How Dare You

Chapter 2

     I couldn't stay there any longer, it felt as though I'd suffocate. My lungs were screaming and how I wished that I could too. I scrambled to my feet and dashed out the door, I wished I could've gotten up calmly, and told my mother and sister that I simply need some time to be alone, but I was afriad that my voice wouldn't come out, or that I'd break down into a river of tears. So I just kept on running, running and running. I only made it a few blocks away from the house before I tripped on the hem of my dress, landing painfully on my knees. Biting my tongue to suppress the pain, I quickly gathered myself from the ground, and continued to run as though I were escaping from something, what it was I hadn't the faintest clue.
      I found myself at the sea shore, staring into the everlasting waves that had devoured everything I had thought would come true.

     I settled myself on some dry rocks, tucking my knees to my chest, staring up at the stars I wondered how many of them no longer existed. "How could you leave us father?" I sniveled, "Father how could yo-"
A shadow appeared in the corner of my eye, causing my head to snap in it's direction. I quickly stumbled to my feet, my heart pounding loudly with every step I took, overthrowing the deafening roars of the ocean waves. Because in front of me was the figure of person I knew so well, because in front of me was the figure of my father, and although I couldn't see his face, I could recognize in an instant, it was father! Without a doubt! He was here, I knew he wasn't gone! There was no way way father would've left us! Dead? Impossible! Mother and sister will be overjoyed!!

     "Father!! Father!! I'm over here!!" I called out hysterically, "Father!!" I began getting into the water, not caring that my dress was getting wet, nor how the cold stung like needles against my skin, "Father!! FATHER!! FATHER!!". The water was now at my chest, and the waves threatened to push my head under, "FATHER PLEASE FATHER I'M HERE! CAN'T YOU HEAR ME? FATHER!" it doesn't matter if he can hear me or not, I'm so close!  I reached my arms out to hug him from behind, I felt even happier than I did this morning, no, I felt happier than I had all my life! My arms swung inwards to pull father into a huge, but instead of embracing him, they went right through. Plunging into the water I quickly reclaimed my footing, staring down at my hands I attempted again to pull him into hug. I wanted so hopelessly to feel even a tiny bit of his warmth, that I kept trying, again and again. "F-father?" I said in barely a whisper as my face twisted into a hopeful smile, "Father...? Please look at me father..." 

     At that instant he began to fade, until I could see the sunset that was on the other side of him, "FATHER NO FATHER! FATHER DON'T GO FATHER FATHER!!" My hand reached out grabbing and grasping at the empty air, "NO FATHER! COME BACK!" I cried out, shrieking and wailing at the top of my lungs, I was sure that I wouldn't be able to even mutter a word tommorrow, yet I kept on screaming. I didn't stop even after he had faded into complete nothingness, it was as if he wasn't there at all to begin with... as if... I screamed and begged as my tears became one with the sea. Stumbling through the water, deeper, and deeper. My hands were in front of me, swinging and grabbing desperately at the air. In that moment I could feel very keenly what I was like to go insane, for in that moment I probably was. I was incapable of tracking time with my mind as disheveled as my appearance, but I must've gone on for the bare minimum of at least an hour. Streams of acid ran down my face, burning my eyes and face of which I could no longer feel. My whole body twisted in agony, begging me to stop as much as I was begging for my father's return. 

     I didn't even notice when my cries began to merge with laughter, ah, was I laughing? I could feel my whole body tremble, perhaps from the cold, but much from the rage. My head thrusted back as my entire soul shook with uncontrollable anguish. How cruel of you I cursed at the sky how cruel of you, how very cruel. In truth, I myself hadn't even the slightest clue at what I was so miserably cursing at... my mind for toying with me? The sea for taking my father? The sky for letting it happen? The ship for not being stronger, and sinking? My father for leaving in the first place? I didn't know.
     I'd never cried as much in my entire life as I did on that fine afternoon, and it could've been that I had cried all my tears dry, for after that day I forgot how to. 

    Eventually my senses came to work again, and the pain caught up with me. With not much of a choice but to return home, I hauled my limp body back to the shore, stumbling with each step I took, my mind still a blur. My view was a bit lopsided... I wondered why? I caught more glances than I did this morning, but it mattered even less to me. 
    I flinched when I found myself at the frontdoor of our house, already?  

    The second I walked in I was greeted by frantic Anastasia, "Oh my goodness!! What on EARTH happened??!!"

"I'm alright" I replied as nonchalantly as I could, smiling sheepishly

"ALL RIGHT??! YOU'RE DRENCHED FROM HEAD TO TOE AS THOUGH YOU'VE TAKEN A HORRENDOUS SWIM IN THE OCEAN!"

     As if... it now struck me how absurd and disgraceful what I did was. Anastasia scurried around the house anxiously, threw a towel on my head, and hastily pushed me to the bathroom. She muttered and swore under her breath before giving me a sharp glare, "I expect you to look tolerable by the time you come out" she ordered in that tone our mother often used.

      Giving her a quick, tight smile, I slipped into the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind me. Looking at the mirror now I understood Anastasia's reaction, my hair was twisted and turned, untamed and in knots, my eyes where bloodshot and red, and my lips where so blue it made my face seem colourless. I stared at the unfamiliar reflection, and in the eyes of that reflection I saw nothing, no life, no hope, no dreams.