Feather

01 - ᴾᵉⁿ ᴼᶠ ᴬᵖᵃᵗʰʸ

The feeling of the pen moving in between my fingers brought that familiar creeping apathy that I dreaded every night. At this point, I almost anticipated it the moment I opened my notebook. Studying was so incredibly draining, as if I didn't have enough on my hands already. If I was given the chance to be born with intelligence, I would totally take it. Although, most people would, but I was desperate for that chance. 

School was the kind of place that was nice on the outside and hell on the inside. Sometimes I wondered what went through the mind of the person who created it. Who thought trapping kids in a building to 'learn' was a good idea anyway? 

I was moving on my own. I didn't even know what I was writing; it was probably a bunch of scribbles.

What even is this? Math? Why am I writing an essay for math? 

It was still only Thursday. The week was dragging on for an eternity, it wouldn't have been a surprise if I was told that time stopped. It surely felt like it did. Had it been any slower, I probably would've gone crazy. 

The rain had stopped long ago, but I could still hear it dripping from the roof. My hand wouldn't even move for me anymore. 

My parents were going to be home soon. If I wasn't done my homework by then, I was going to have to be forced to tutor random kids again. Volunteering for hordes of seventh graders really put into perspective how amazing teachers were. I could never have that much patience. Seventh graders were really stupid, too. They didn't understand anything, to the point where I had to hold myself back from hitting them in the head with their textbook. 

It was just one more assignment, and then I was done. 

My phone was almost dead, I felt as if I was about to pass out, and there was an annoying cat outside that kept meowing at me. If it wasn't a cat, I would've chucked it off the roof. 

Being home alone was better for focusing, but that didn't mean I was focused. Without my little cousins screaming all the time, I could lock in. Obviously I wasn't but that obviously wasn't the point. 

For a moment, my phone began vibrating on my desk. I thought I was hearing things, until I realised I wasn't. My mother was messaging me, probably asking if I was done my homework yet. I wish I was. 

Mom: Are you done? We're almost home.

Three pages left of math, and they were already coming home. Time was moving too fast when I didn't want it to. 

I could just pretend that I fell asleep because I was exhausted or something. They wouldn't believe me, but it's the thought that counts, right? 

Probably a sign for me to actually do my homework.. 

...

"Hey, Jas, are you free after school?" Elena asked the moment she saw me at the entrance. Same question every day, and same answer. When was the last time I'd ever said yes? "I got two free tickets to a musical thing. My sister's the main character, you should come." 

"I can't. I gotta study." Again. "My dad is getting me tutoring lessons for chemistry." I was dreading it. Chemistry was something I really sucked at, and now I had to do it outside of school, too. Was chemistry even useful at all in the real world? Probably not. 

She sighed in disappointment, as if it wasn't what she was expecting. "Who am I supposed to go with then? And what are you getting tutoring lessons for? You're so smart already." 

"Have you seen my chemistry grades? All I get are B's." 

It wasn't something she would necessarily understand, though. All of Elena's grades were B's. I don't even think she's gotten an A since eighth grade. If she had, she would still be gloating about it to this day. 

"A B isn't even bad, your parents are just weird," she said as we made our way down the hallway. It was crowded and loud, the worst combo. Classes weren't starting for another five minutes, and I was supposed to be there by now. My parents always wanted me to get there first, bright and early, and sit in the front, happy and ready to learn. I sat in the middle, which was close enough to the front. It's not like they would ever find out anyway. 

I shrugged. "Exams are in a few months, and they want me to get straight A's before then. I'm already studying all day."

"How do you live? I could never sit down and study for hours straight," she said. When we would study together, she would stand up and walk around or go on her phone every five minutes. I never did that. It felt like my parents would show up from thin air and scold me or something. "Anyway, you should go to homeroom. I'm going to ask Jayda if she wants to go to the musical with me." 

There was a sliver of disappointment lingering in my chest as I watched her walk away. Jayda and her did everything together because I couldn't go. I wasn't even allowed to take a breather and go outside for a few minutes anymore. 

The days my parents weren't home, I could finally breathe again. I wouldn't study those days. If I did, I would've died. It was just pure torture. A continuous cycle of school, study, eat, study, study, study, sleep, repeat. 

When I closed my eyes to go to sleep at night, I would dream about homework. I could practically see the math equations solving themselves as I drowned in notebooks and the word 'perchance.' 

I sat down in my usual seat in homeroom. The teacher wasn't there yet. 

A girl walked into the classroom with a notebook tucked under her armpit. I'd never seen her before. Her hair was in a braid reaching her knees and she had glasses sliding down to the tip of her nose. She didn't glance at me at all when she stepped in, although she was looking up. 

I watched her as she sat all the way in the back of the classroom beside the window. She was two rows away from me. 

"Hey---"

Abruptly, the door flew open again and a large group of girls walked into the room, giggling and whispering. The teacher followed closely behind them, trying to make them shut up but she only got ignored. 

That was embarrassing. Was I really trying to talk to that girl? And I got interrupted? Never doing that again. 

Elena plopped down on the desk behind me. I always found it weird that she never sat next to me, but she said that she liked to braid my hair during class or something like that. 

"Everyone, take a seat," the teacher said monotonously. She looked exhausted, and there was no wonder in that. A sigh left her mouth when she realised, with no surprise, that nobody was listening to her. "If you girls in the back don't want to take a seat, I can give you all a fail in my class right now." 

That seemed to have done the trick. 

Class commenced only a few minutes after that.

... 

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