Finding Julia

The Beginning

Now, I'm backtracking quite a bit here. Don't get me wrong, I'm not starting at my birth. That would be way too disgusting. In case you were wondering though, I was the perfect baby. Anyways...

This is where this whole journey of "finding me" started. But before I even begin to describe the most confusing year of my life, I have to talk a little bit about myself (because that's obviously how every story starts) and even my friends.

To introduce myself, my name is Julia. I'm currently 16 years old and I'm about to be a junior in high school. Crazy right?

Anyways, this year has really changed me a lot. This was just the beginning of finding myself. High school is one of the most important times to do that. It's literally the only thing I've learned the entire time I've been here. It's actually almost...sad.

High school is when you find what you enjoy, what kind of college you're going to attend, and even what job you might want in the future. It's the start of your adult life which is pretty freaking terrifying.

But what really affected me the most was the journey to discovering my sexuality. It was a long and very painful road and I hope no one has to go through what I went through. Sadly, it was all worth it in the end.

To continue my little backstory, it all started with my friends. We're a pretty close knit group of friends. At first my little group consisted of my friends Lacey, Rose, KeKe, and Carter. Lemme just tell you, we're all hella gay. I mean, not that any of us really knew that straight away...but we all acted really sexual with each other as do most friends. We had been friends for almost two years. Minus Carter, he was a new addition to the group.

Let me also say that most of my family is pretty conservative. My mother, father, brother, and I didn't really follow the Conservative Christian life. My mother is spiritual, my brother is agnostic, and my father and I are atheists. But on the other hand my parents were both raised by conservative parents. Sure they were open to most things, but there were still topics they were iffy about.

It's common knowledge among my family that I love LGBT+ people. For years I had always wanted a gay best friend. Since I loved these people so much I started to question myself. I tried not to think about it too much. I was mostly sure I was heterosexual. Key word: mostly. The more I thought about it, the more confused about myself I would get. So instead I decided to procrastinate and think about it in a few years. It didn't help when my mom would make lesbian jokes when my chick friends would stay the night. I ended up talking about sexuality with my mom and I asked her, "What if I'm bisexual?" She turned to me and said, "I will love you no matter what." That made me feel a little better, but not much.

I had always been a daddy's girl. I was and still am afraid to talk to my dad about sexuality. He seems extremely uncomfortable about the LGBT+ community. So I never brought it up around him.

I was already confused enough as it was and it sucked that I lived in such a homophobic town. I really tried not to think about it.

One day while my friends and I were at lunch freshman year, we were discussing our friend Lacey.

Rose spoke up and said, "I've been friends with Lacey for years. She can not be straight."

We all kind of laughed about it. We asked Lacey and as expected of her, we got a very vague answer. The next day she claimed she was a lesbian. Later in our sophomore year she said she was Demisexual. And if you don't know what that means, it means she gets sexually attracted to people after liking their personality. It's a rough definition and if you want a better one, I suggest you look it up.

Anyways, after that awkward lunch of questioning Lacey's sexuality, my friend Rose said something to me. Now this was several months after Lacey came out of the closet.

Lacey is a small girl, very petite. Yet she was older than the rest of us. I had only ever seen her cry once at the point in time. Lacey was never open with her emotions and what she was thinking. She never was.

Rose's offhand comment really got to me though. As Lacey was getting her lunch, she said to me, "Hey, Julia, I think Lacey might have a thing for you." Then Lacey came back and we didn't speak about it for months. I had put it out of my mind and tried everything not to think about it. I wasn't ready to question my sexuality.

But this was just the beginning.

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Alright guys what did you think? This was just a brief introduction to the beginning of the story. It won't all be told in a flashback. This is just the beginning. As stated above xD

Please like or comment? I'd love to hear your opinions c: