Notes to My Wife

My Anchor

7 - 20 - 2023

I have always had a hard time understanding what place the people in my life have stood in. I found myself giving them very different positions in my life than they gave me in theirs, and each time it took me forever to see that. With you, from the day I met you I knew who you were right away. I knew exactly where you belonged in my life and I knew this was something I could never walk away from. It didn't take much longer after that to realize that you belonged in this position with me forever. But, most important of all, I knew you were my anchor. It made instant sense to me when that word came to my mind. No other description could fit you as well. You keep me grounded, safe and secure. 

When I'm not by your side, it's the only place I want to be. You are always calling me home, and home is always only defined by wherever you are at that current moment. Beyond all of that, you even help my often-confused brain find reality in the hardest times. Your voice soothes me, and your touch helps me relax all my limbs that tighten when my brain makes me feel trapped in my body. You are the light at the end of the tunnel that I've squinted to find my whole life; a light that I was beginning to think never existed.

Time before you dragged by so slowly, with so many instances of pain, heartache, and struggle that I started to forget all the good moments. But this last year with you has sped by within the blink of an eye. Every day has been a gift, and it's a miracle for me to say that. It's a miracle because whenever I used to hear people say that, I fully believed that was the furthest thing from the truth. My eyes often forgot how to see beauty in the world in recent years, yet you have shown me that not only does it exist, but it's in so many places that I never thought to look. 

It's in the mountain ranges of Colorado, in the rotating vases of flowers we keep in the house, in outfit styles, in paintings. My favorite places to see beauty though, are in you. The cadence of your laugh, the facial expressions that tell me - in full sentences - exactly what you're thinking. Beauty lies in your milk-chocolate eyes in the daylight, your beautifully gap-toothed smile, and the crinkle in your nose when I do something that makes you happy.

You make me feel wanted, loved, beautiful, sexy, and special, even when I have a hard time believing any of it myself. I feel it in your hugs and your kisses, and in the way you are gentle with me when you are cleaning a cut that my klutzy ass gave myself. I feel it in the soothing strokes of your hands on my skin, and in the way you run your hands through my hair when my head is in your lap. You believe in my ability to do anything, you never let me give up. You push me to grow, and you show me how to have faith and trust in myself. I strive to make you feel all these things, too. And I'm so lucky to have forever to try.