Dear Journal.
It's been four years since I lost my squad for the second time.
Four years since I and Omega came back as the sole surviving members of the Bad Batch.
Four years since I and Omega were left with a life's worth of torture and nightmares.
Four years since I was left alone again.
And I can't yet believe I have again been the survivor.
I once thought that I never wanted to see any more of my brothers to die. Hell, I never actually believed I would outlive all of them. I don't know what have I done to deserve this.
I can't seem to find an end to this pain, and I can't imagine what Omega's going through. She wouldn't tell me, but I can always tell she's been crying at nights. Every single one of them. I don't blame her. I know what it's like to lose the people you spent your life with, and I have experienced that twice. She lost her only family, and she was taught to be tough like Hunter.
I try to be as loving to her as she deserves. And she deserves the world.
We sometimes visit Pabu too. Lyana, Phee and Shep have been like a family to Omega. The way they loved her and took care of her when she was a traumatized mess... I couldn't stop being thankful over and over.
I told you what Omega has been feeling. What about me?
My heart's ripped out. I want to die, and that's saying something, because I also wanted to die when I was hooked up at Skako Minor. And they had saved me there. I couldn't save any one of them.
I am now working for the Rebellion for the past years, and the people here are wonderful. The way Rex and Cody comforted us, gave us a place to live... I can't name them all, but I can't be grateful enough to each one of them.
Omega's now joined the Academy for the children wishing to join the Rebellion. She seems... happy there. I'm glad she has a place to be what she wants to be. She always was born with a lion's heart, and I couldn't stop her form pursuing her destiny's calling.
She still suffers from breakdowns and nightmares. Sometimes, I am the ones comforting her, and at others, it is Riyo, or Rex, or Cody, or any one of the people of the Rebellion who pity her.
At her worst breakdowns, she begins apologizing to me for snatching my whole family from me. In her words, she was the reason I'm left alone.
I can't tell you how bad my heart breaks when I hear this from my little girl. Then I comfort her, usually ending up with us making promises to each other, to be there when the other needs us, and then I cry myself to sleep while she has already dozed off. I have to be strong for her.
I guess the best part of our last adventure was that Crosshair wasn't at odds with us. He had forgiven us. We were together, for twenty minutes only, but we were united once again. One last time.
We saved so many clones from torture. From being experiments. The Rebellion kept thanking us for 'doing this galaxy a favour'. We were branded saviours. But, is there any saviour for us, who can save us from our misery? Who can give us five more minutes with my brothers? With Domino Squad? With Clone Force 99?
Years ago, I told Hunter that our lives were like this because of Omega.
Now that I think about it, we wouldn't be here without Omega. She was like a flare to our lives. One we couldn't imagine life without.
And, on nights when she's breaking down and saying sorry for being the reason why all of them died?
I tell her that it's not her fault. They never wanted a death away from action, far from the battlefield.
And if we had a choice, we'd do it all over again.
For her, I'd always return to that brig in Kamino, to rescue her.
I'd do that all again for her.
I'd always choose her, a thousand times over.
And I mean it.
-CT-1409
