Hard Times

14

Stacie groaned softly when she felt a hand shaking her shoulder. Opening her eyes, she sat up in Brooke's bed and frowned upon seeing Taylor.

Taylor stared at her, his eyes bloodshot. "I didn't know if you were breathing or not." He murmured, removing his hand from her shoulder.

Stacie reached down and grabbed his hand, but didn't say anything.

Taylor dropped his eyes to their connected hands and swallowed.

"Taylor..." Stacie mumbled quietly, looking up at him.

Taylor lifted his eyes to her's again. "Yes?" His voice was raw, his throat sounded sore.

Reaching up with her free hand, Stacie gently cupped his cheek.

Taylor closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, letting out a soft breath.

Stacie didn't say anything as she gently caressed his cheek.

Taylor was silent too as she touched his cheek.

"I'm... sorry..." Stacie whispered quietly.

"Just come home." Taylor rasped then cleared his throat. "Please."

Shaking her head, Stacie pulled her hand away from his cheek and looked down.

Taylor looked away and sighed quietly, running his fingers through his hair.

Laying back down, Stacie curled into a ball.

"What do you want me to say, Stacie? What do you want to hear?" Taylor croaked, his eyes trained on the floor.

The brunette looked up at him and swallowed thickly. "You... won't... say... it..." she mumbled.

"Say what? You want me to say 'I love you', don't you?" Taylor didn't lift his head.

Stacie shook her head. "I... want... you..." She forced out, her voice cracking.

Taylor closed his eyes and didn't say anything for a long time.

Stacie rolled over and faced away from him.

"Explain to me why you want me? Explain to me why you trust me after what I did to you when Hayley miscarried? Explain to me why you don't see dad every time you look at me?" Taylor's voice cracked as he finished speaking.

Stacie took a deep breath and sat up, pointing towards Brooke's desk where a notebook and pen sat. She didn't want to speak anymore, it hurt too much.

Taylor got to his feet and lifted the notepad and pen from the table. He returned and handed it to her.

'I'll always trust you, you didn't mean to hurt me. You were hurting. I want you because I feel safer with you than any other guy I've slept with. You won't hurt me, even if I tell you it's okay.' Stacie wrote quickly before passing the notebook to him.

Taylor read the words silently. He closed his eyes and was quiet again for a while. "We don't have to sleep together, you know that, right? We can just hang out."

Taking the notebook, Stacie wrote something down before passing it to him. 'You take away the memories of them.'

"There are other ways of taking the memories away." Taylor said in a quiet voice.

Shaking her head, Stacie grabbed the notebook and began writing again. 'I've tried everything my therapist suggested, but I could still feel them touching me, I could still feel them inside me. Until you.' she passed him the notebook again.

Taylor let out a shaky breath. "I don't want to ruin you the way everyone else has. I don't want to ruin myself. Yes sleeping with you feels good but I don't want to lose who I am, I don't want to lose my values."