things I want to tell you

TOO MUCH FOR AN PROLOGUE?

I ended it. Atleast I think I did. I don't wanna keep or have hopes anymore for the future. I don't want to be dependent on it anymore. Love is useless. Or if it even exists. I doubt that. It always starts with those sweet talks. All those promises and I love yous and the iconic " I'll never leave you ". But it always has to end and it always has to go. They say boys never breakup on their own. They throw you in a such a situation that you are obliged to do it. Ig that's true. They just drain you out of your sanity in the name of love. But it's always the " I still love him though" no I shouldn't. Please. They say they are always forever with you. But in the end it's not always forever. Idk but I have to move on. I have to start all over again and heal and be independent because before you, there was a life too. Love has made me blind and dependent like on drugs. Or maybe it's the longing and not really love. His rude and distant behaviour, I just couldn't handle it anymore and it's been like what- only three days max? I read it on quora that if a guy aks for a break then give him one. I gave him one.
But no-one gave me any heads-up on how you act or what you do when you're on a break. Like you guys still talk? Or just straight up ignore. Or it depends upon moods.
Anw, I give up. I can't be supportive. If I am supportive then it's the end of this bullshit. I'll be supported from far. I have deleted his number. I hope my memory makes me forget his number. I'll delete the chats soon too. Just need a little tiny more time. It's gonna be hard but I can do it. Breaking up is okay. It's normal. It's not like you are getting divorced with two kids. It's just a normal breakup. I can always restart again right,? YES I CAN.
If I have the urge to text him. I'll text here. I won't go anywhere near from today. And I will do it. If he comes back then okay. But if he doesn't then I'll get my answer.
This is why they say never think when your hormones are high. I regret it, I should have never been to his house. It was a mistake. A big mistake. I am guilty. I will regret it forver for giving my virginity to a guy who I thought was my forever but ig not. Now I'll even be scared to open up to another guy. These days everybody just looks for sex right? First shreyan. Always used to talk about my virginity and then adit. He did the exact same. And now he's gone too. He did not block me. But ig he will when he's all completely done with me right? It's fine. I'll be prepared. I'll always be prepared for the worst. I'm okay. I'll be okay.
It's 3:00 am. I should sleep. These days I'm just laying on my bed without any sleep. But ig I'm just ruining my ownslef and I shouldn't do that for some piece of shit. I'm okay. And I will ace everything in my life.
Pls god, make the brightest star the world has ever seen. I hope all the worst days and bads are forgotten. I'll work for myself and give my own self frkn credit. I can do it. Make my parents proud and get myself a nice home. That's the goal. Yes. Please god. I'm ready to work hard and I will. Thankyou I am grateful to you. Pls make this just a stupid nughtanre. Never gonna cry for anyone else ever again. My tears are precious and nobody deserves even a drop of it.