Billie eilish smut

Again and agian🌸

(A/nThis was a request, hope it's what you had in mind) tw:mention of sh. Depression

Billie

I drag myself back to the house to tired to do anything. I open the door to see shark jumping around as i set my stuff down

"Hey buddy" I say softly petting his head
I went into the room and started the shower.

I feel gross.. or maybe i just wanna cry. I blast music as i stand there. I don't really need to shower I already did this morning. Everything that has bin going on lately just crashed down on me. The pressure the stress. Everything. I've bin on and off for a few months now and honestly I just wanna feel something.

There's even bin times where I can't feel the love I have for y/n and it drives me insane. I just feel numb. I hate that feeling of nothing, I unknowingly let our a few tearless sobs. My eyes burning I sigh as I finally let my tears out. Once 2 came out i couldn't stop I stand there in the burning water sobbing but somehow not feeling sad. I just feel numb.

I glance at the side of the shower where I see a raisor I couldn't help but have a few thoughts. One small cut won't hurt anyone right? do it my brain kept yelling at me. My shaky hands grabbed the razor. I just wanna feel something anything even if that's pain. I got quick flashbacks to when I was sixteen and I felt this exact thing...nothing and it was scary to think that I could get like that again. I blink the blurr from my eyes away holding it up to my wrist

"Home!" I hear y/n yell making me drop the razor , cutting my leg. I couldn't stop the crying tho. I tried and tried but failed

"Baby you home?" She opened the room door

Y/ns pov

I hear the shower and notice that the doors locked. Weird. I shrug it off as she probably just went to the gym. Then I remembered we went together and she already showered. My mind quickly thought of the worst. But I shake it off "we're not 16" I whisper reassuring myself 

She's always token showers when she needed to get stuff off her mind, it was a healthy way of coping till it wasn't.

"Bills?" I put my ear to the door trying to hear through the blasting music. I heard gasps and sobs

"Baby are you ok?" I softly knock on the door

"Y-yeah" she struggled to get out

Fuck

"Billie hunny I can't hear you can you open the door?" I act oblivious

No answer

"Baby? You ok?" I ask not really a question, I know right now she's not.

No answer

I huff and go to the night stand looking frantically through it. I found the key and my shaky hands struggled to unlock the door

"I'm coming in ok?" I twist the knob

"No!" She sobbed out...finally

I stoped and no longer opened the door

"Baby please I need to know your ok.." I say my eyes now watering. She turned off the loud music but continued to sob "please?" I beg now worried

"It hurts" she took shaky breaths

"What does?" I turn the knob again

"Everything" she almost yelled. Braking my hart

I slowly opened the door. To she her sitting on the floor against the sink with nothing but a towel on.