Why did I choose to be the quiet kid? I wish I could give an answer. No, really I do. I wish I wasn't born like this. I wish I didn't fear other people hearing my voice, that I would just speak and put myself out there and for god sake be normal for once.
There was something about being the quiet kid that sat in the corner and observed rather than participate that just held this grip on me. Well, not a grip, more like an entrancing hug that I couldn't nor wanted to leave. In that sense, it wasn't my choice. Most kids my age either don't realize I exist or they snicker and poke fun at me. I've been called names, teased, bullied, all the boxes of being a high schooler. Don't feel sorry for me, I've been dealing with it ever since I could remember.
I never had a lot of friends, or any really. The only people close to me don't know me well enough to be considered a "friend" but more like an acquaintance. To me, an acquaintance is someone who knows you exist, but they don't know you. An acquaintance could know everything about you and still not know you. If I had to pick between a lot of acquaintances or a few friends, I'd pick a lot of acquaintances.
Maybe that's why I like the quietness that comes with being a non verbal kid. Maybe that's why I'm comfortable being alone all the time. The reason is not because I don't like people knowing that I exist. It's because I don't like people remembering that I exist.
Yeah...that's it...
