Blind To Tears | jenlisa (ON HOLD)

Prologue

LISA

Busan August 2016

"There are so many things I want to ask you." No answer. Her green eyes blink at me disinterestedly. I look into cold eyes that once held as much warmth as they looked into mine. 

"Have you ever loved me?" I ask, close to tears. She continues to be silent. 

"Why are you silent? How can you not be ashamed?" Sniffling, I look at her. She takes one last drag from her cigarette and then throws it to the ground. 

"What are you doing here, Lalisa?" Her voice sounds so different. So monotonous, freed from feelings. Nothing other than indifference adorns her deep and melodic voice. She tramples the stump with her black boot. Hearing my name from her mouth brings deep and incurable pain to my heart. 

"Why did you do that to me? Why why couldn't you just break up with... me?" She snorts. 

"You would never have accepted it." I don't recognize her. 

"There was a time when the same thing would have been said about you."

Silence.

"There never was a time like this." A pang runs through my heart. 

"Don't say that." I murmur bitterly. "You love me. I see it in your eyes." A cold smile appears on her face. 

"You're so gullible, it's almost pitiful. Little, innocent Lalisa always sees the good in other people." 

"I'd rather be gullible than bitter." I hiss, taken aback. The corners of her mouth twitch. 

"And look where that got you." It should just stop. 

"Nobody loves you, Lalisa. They're just taking advantage of you. They look for something useful in you and pollute it with their greed." I can't listen to this. "And when they're done with you, they leave you lying." 

"Shut up!" I command weakly. 

"No one will ever see you as something that needs love to be functional." 

"And yet, you will greet these people with open arms. Do you know why?" I press my lips together.

"Because you're blind."

"Face it, Lalisa. You go through the world blindly. You were born blind with love and you will die blind with love. You'll never learn to see what's really happening in your life." 

"Stop." A few tears roll down my cheeks. 

"You're pathetic if you think you're good enough to be loved." Why is she hurting me so much? 

"It's enough." I whisper tearfully. She grabs me hard by my shoulders. My eyes are on the floor, humiliated. 

"Look at me!" She orders me. I blink in refusal at the floor. She grabs my chin tightly and pulls my face up to hers. Those damn eyes. Those damn green eyes. 

"You're stupid, naive and useless." She lets me go. She seems so disgusted with me. Her attitude is so condescending. More tears flow down my cheeks. 

"Did you seriously think that after I fucked you, I would put a ring on your finger?" I'm silent. Her throaty laugh echoes. The once beautiful melody frightens my ears. This coldness that her laugh brings with it, is scary. 

"You thought I would eventually marry you even though you can't even give me a child?"

My heart clenches.

I abruptly push her away from me. I cannot breath. It feels like her iron hand is gripping my heart to crush it into a thousand pieces. 

Why is she doing this to me? The woman who stroked my hair when I was nervous. The woman who held my hand when I was afraid. The woman who wiped away my tears and only left me when there was a smile on my face. The woman who gave me white petunias every Sunday so I could be happy on the most depressing day of the week. How can she spit such hateful words in my face after whispering loving promises in my ear?