Imagine Life.

Under Your Control

       Imagine life where everything is under your control. That's the exact opposite of what it means to be a kid in their 20s figuring out this thing people call life. So where does that leave me, wake up, school, work, and repeat everyday for the past four months. I've never felt more isolated in a period in my life more than now, so is it me? Is it something I'm doing? Here's what I know, social media is the forefront for meeting new people from friends even to possible lovers... BUT HOW DO I GET THERE? I have to start somewhere right? The problem is everything I see on the internet is for lack of a better word disingenuous. And authenticity is important to me and it should be to you as well, the best version of yourself is the one where you are nothing but true to who you are and what you believe in.

      Some may say the way I go about expressing myself is unorthodox, border line psychotic but I just think it's my anxiety screaming at me to make things happen and make them happen now! With a hint of bi polar disorder but seriously, everyday I wake up and ask myself what makes being different so bad. If we're all gonna go through life facing the same challenges, the same trials, the same tribulations what makes doing it my way, wrong? So that's where we'll start, the term control means an act or instance of controlling. also : power or authority to guide or manage.

      Now ask yourself on a day to day basis what can you control. Let's see, you control what you eat, what you wear, who you interact with, but it seems like you let everyone else control how you think. Me personally, I am not living my life in a way where I can't express myself to the fullest. Now this next part is the most important piece to your story, the moment you allow someone to control the way you think you allow them to trap your mind in a place that only they can set free. Boundaries and limits only go as far as you set them. I'm so sorry honestly, I always seem to get ahead of myself control starts so much earlier than what you may even realize. Let me paint you a picture 10 year old me at my aunts house, and for dinner she gave me and my little brother cheese noodles. But anyone who knows me knows I hate cheese noodles right along with ketchup... gross. Side tracked again, the point of that little fyi is because my aunt actually made me sit there for hours... okay it was actually about 30 minutes but it felt like hours and she waited for me to eat those noodles. It was either that or a whooping and some may say that's just discipline, I see it as the first sign of being controlled. And with time life will hand you plenty of dinner noodles. Now you're at a point in life where it's truly under your control, who in the hell is gonna make you eat those noodles?

        The bigger issue with what I see is can you be convinced into eating them can you be bribed or scared into eating them. The answer again should be no, but temptation runs hot and peer pressure in my eyes is seen to be the greatest drug of a person just trying to figure this life stuff out. My first highschool party was honestly a lot worse than those noodles I remember it like it was yesterday. We drove 40 minutes in a Uber because of course at that time none of us were old enough to drive, 5 of us in a 4 person Uber going to the middle of nowhere for a party just because our friend said there would be a ton of girls there. When we got there it was honestly a meat festival... pause that came out wrong. I just meant there was a ton of guys barely any girls and nothing but under age drinking so basically an average Friday in America.

  Problem number one was that this was one of the first instances in which I saw others exhibit behaviors in which they were influenced by another person so heavily that their decision making became impaired. For me alcohol was never my thing, personal family issues, dad being an alcoholic kinda steers you into one of two directions becoming the drunk or never touching alcohol. I'll take option B for $200, this day sticks out so vividly because I saw people who I viewed as friend in a light that's just not forgettable not even for a 15 year old. Under your control, the quicker you realize the power of control both being under someone else's control and just controlling yourself the quicker you'll learn the easiest ways to find happiness in this hell on earth.

So how exactly do you do that you might ask? Here's the start, a wise guy once said if you surround yourself with 9 broke individuals you'll be number 10. I know, sounds like something I'd say but it actually wasn't me who said it. But he was spitting for sure, the point is the first step to control is determined by who you surround yourself with. People will only value you and your time by how much you value yourself. Which is exactly why my sophomore year of high school was absolute hell for me. I would sit in my room and text like 4 different girls giving them all the same high school "rizz" waiting for them to reply and tell me how I'm basically the best guy ever. Wow, high school was kinda weird now that I think about it. The point being little did I know this was me seeking validation from these girl's tokenizing every compliment. As I got older I finally kind of understood it all, the power of value is the equal to control. The more value you put into yourself, your lifestyle, your mindset, the quicker it seems everyone starts to gravitate towards you. To the point where you never seek to be valued, but people start to seek to value you. I get it, trust me I do, sitting at your phone waiting for that text back or that phone call. Now imagine life where that text back is instant, that phone call is never ending. It's all under your control once you start putting you first and stop allowing you to be second to them. Treat life like a pair of sneakers that used to be own by a famous basketball player, hanging on wire, that were shocked by magical lightening, and realize this is only the beginning.