Forgive Me, I Love You I'm Sorry

Chapter 1: Dreams and Nightmares

As long as I can remember my childhood wasn't necessarily the greatest. I grew up around my mother who struggled with substance abuse for as long as I can remember, then she met my dad, an abusive alcoholic. I started self harming at the age of six, and got assaulted by my dad at the age or seven so you can see that my life wasn't necessarily the greatest. I wasn't always the popular girl at school. I was always the shy and introverted girl that nobody cared to speak to until I met Ryan. Ryan and I met when we were only ten years old, plus he was the new kid at my school and we shared a lot of things in common like our favorite movies, favorite snacks, favorite songs, etc. Eventually I started developing feelings for him when we were thirteen, but I never said anything to him cause I was ashamed, nor was I ever allowed to date him because our families come from two different sides of the town..

"Estella come here please" said my mother.

I'm around fifteen this time around but yet I still managed to be seen as a little girl. So I finish pulling on my shoes and adjusting my outfit then head to the kitchen, and all I see is my father walking in right behind me. I began to shake a little bit as he placed his hand on my shoulder with a bottle in his other hand.

"You're really going out looking like that? Asked my dad taking a sip of his beer

"Yes dad I am, I'm not a little girl anymore, and there's nothing you can do-" As I get smacked to the floor by my father. As I hold my hand to my face and pretend it didn't hurt me. I got up to adjust my outfit.

"You're a dirty whore, who probably sleeps with everyone at her sch-" said my father

I didn't even care what mother wanted me for after what my father said to me and did to me I just grabbed my phone and backpack and I left to go meet Ryan meanwhile trying not to cry and holding my stomach talking to it.

"It's going to be alright baby girl, we will get through this me, you, and daddy I promise, even though I don't think daddy is going to be too happy." I said to my belly. I'm only eleven weeks pregnant. I still haven't told Ryan because he has so much on his plate from trying to bring his grades up to treating his bipolar and anger issues.

Ryan and I started dating when we were thirteen despite what our families had thought. I loved him with my whole heart. He's my best friend, my boyfriend, the father of our baby.

My relationship with Ryan has been perfect for the most part. We were really happy, but recently he started to act differently toward me.

"Baby what's going on with you?" I asked as I grabbed Ryan's hand while looking at him

Ryan sighs and turns toward me and cups my face, "I hate to see you in this much pain baby, I know I've been acting differently toward you and that's not your fault it's mine. But look I'm about to get to the point, I know you're pregnant and I have a feeling it's not mine."

I step back from him and look at him like I just heard someone say something unbelievable.

"What...? What are you saying?" I say as tears form in my eyes

"You fucking heard me. Now who's baby is it?!" he gets closer to me

"Ryan, stop scaring me." I start crying at this point and I feel a punch right in my eye and pushed to the ground and I fall over. I was so confused and heartbroken that the man who I loved and promised to never lay a hand on me, the man who told me I was beautiful after everything, I just don't understand, My dream became a nightmare.

We eventually got to the school and I didn't talk the whole day because if what had happened not even fifteen minutes ago and yet Ryan forgot what he did and I just pretended like it was an accident like he didn't mean it, I just want to understand why he thought this baby wasn't t his and why he hurt me when he knows already that's what I go through on a daily basis.

I stand up and grab my backpack and walk away from him and his friends to the bathroom with my earbuds in my ears blasting my music and to avoid everyone else who was talking to me. As I was in the bathroom I locked myself in the stall and sat on the floor crying into my knees as I heard two girls walk in and hear one of them talk about how Ryan cheated on me with someone else.

"Oh my god, did you hear that Ryan Chambers slept with Alexia Rameriz?" said one of the girls and when I told you my heart shrank, the bitch who made my life a living hell since me and Ryan were little kids. I stand up unlocking the stall and walk out with my hood up and makeup messed up.

'Shit. Estella, we didn't know you were in here." said one of the girls

I couldn't even make out words. I was heartbroken, betrayed, confused, and lost. So I just say,

"It's alright, I'm okay, I'm just gonna go home" I walked out running out of the school and eventually made it to the gas station, "Hey..." I said to Jayden, an old friend I had made before she graduated.

"You've been crying? What's Wrong?" Jayden asked, concerned while putting out her cigarette.I eventually told her what happened and she held me close to her chest and just let me cry and cry until I eventually kinda fell asleep in her arms as I heard my phone go off, it's Ryan.

"Where are you?"

"Answer your damn phone!"

"I swear if you don't answer we're over."

"If you don't answer I'm gonna hurt myself."

"Estella!"

"Baby please... don't do this, I love you."

I refused to answer his texts after all he really broke my heart so I just turned my phone off. Worst mistake of my life.