A Ballad of Snakes and Shadows // A Dark Sebastian Sallow Romance

Chapter Thirty Eight: Gasoline// Lanterns Lit

((TW: Violence, gore, mentions of suicide and thoughts - PLEASE TAKE CARE WHEN READING IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THIS TOPIC.))

I stared at Sebastian's shirt that now laid on my bed. Much like the diary had, I felt like it was mocking me. It was a stark reminder that there was something more to the relationship between Sebastian and I, and I was not sure how much I liked or welcomed it.

He was a murderer, an abuser, and something evil. It shouldn't matter how delicious he looked, or how he made my body feel, or how my heart raced everytime I looked in his eyes.

How he made me see my worth, or how he pushed me, shouldn't change the fact that loving him was wrong.

But I did. I loved Sebastian.

I sighed as I decided I would deal with the shirt, and where I stood with Sebastian later. I had already changed into a fresh pair of clothing, and had done my best to hide away the marks all over my neck the same way I did the collar.

On the outside, I would be a perfectly normal student as I walked to the Hospital Wing. But I knew on the inside that I was a terrible mess.

A mess that I was unsure if I could sort out, like Sebastian hoped I would. I was afraid of his wish, though, and what it meant for me.

If I went the way he wanted, which I was sure was a path devoid of morality, would I only be led to true darkness?

He gave me the option to live in either the light or the darkness, but if Sebastian held my hand while I found out who I was, where would I end up?

All I knew was that I was myself, yet something that wasn't myself. And that hurt my fucking head.

Especially when I knew that I left the Hero of Hogwarts laying on the ground last night. That my need to save people needed to rot with her, though it felt wrong to do it.

It was hard to let that sliver of morality die off, it almost didn't sit right with me. Yet it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders when I knew I could do what I felt was right instead.

I could do what I saw best, right or wrong aside, and focus on what was best for me.

That was who I would be, I told myself as I made the climb up towards the infirmary.

I would be the woman Sebastian saw me as, someone strong, someone who took and did what they wanted. And I'd leave no room for anyone to question it again.

And the only person I would fight for would be myself.

Though there was Poppy to consider. She was a victim in all of this, caught between the bloody war of the Court and my arrogance. She was the casualty I couldn't overlook, the one that I could not pull myself away from. That woman deserved the peace she had earned, and she had only known misery these past few months.

Poppy deserved to live in the light, and that, I could at least fight for.

When I stepped through the entrance of the wing, I found that there was quite a crowd of professors around one of the beds. As I walked in, my heart dropped as I realized which bed.

Poppy's.

Were they here to see that she'd awoken, perhaps questioning her? Or had she...

Professor Sharpe must've heard me walk in, and he quickly stepped away from the rest of them. His face was devoid of any emotion and that did not bode well.

If there was any chance that Poppy was awake... Why would he be looking at me like that?

"Miss Hills," Sharpe said, closing the distance between us and using his body to block my view.