Broken Grace

Lost in Memory

 There have been many days when she has laid on the cold, vacant floor wondering why. Why was she here? Why had what she done been wrong? Why did it have to be this way? But, in the end, it didn't matter, because every night she fell asleep on that floor and every morning she woke up the same way.

She supposes that someday she would lose what little of her sanity remains. And she was somewhat okay with that. It would take away this never-ending pain in her mind. But there is always another part of her that wanted nothing more than to escape and be free again. There is always a part of her that screams out for those blue skies and fresh air.

Those days would never come again.

She knew that there was no escape, but it didn't stop her from dreaming. It didn't stop her wandering mind from looking at the past and planning. It most certainly didn't stop her from reliving her memories. All it did was stop her from actually escaping this harsh prison.

Maybe those memories were enough, though. Enough to keep her head just above the water. Just enough to keep her from drowning in the situation she found herself. Just barely enough to keep her head up and have even the smallest threads of hope.

In the moment we find her, she is holding on to that small ribbon of hope. Reliving her past, moment by moment, to keep her mind away from the screams surrounding her. Though her eyes are closed, her mind is vivid with color and sound. The world around her has no hold on her here. No, here she is free from the prison.

Maybe she is broken. Maybe her body feels weak and her mind is growing steadily by the day. That doesn't mean that she can't fight back. They underestimate her and the abilities she possess. So maybe she is rendered physically broken. That doesn't stop her mind. And after all, that is the most powerful weapon that she possess. Then again, they wouldn't know that.

Another prisoner screams from down the hallway. Screams about how they don't want to die. Silly, silly person. They wouldn't die. They would just be sent away for labor. Death would be kinder, but that is a kindness that would never be provided. Even so, the labor would still be better that waiting for your time to come and having nothing to bide the time.

Her eyes flicker open for just a moment as a rare beam of light finds a way though a crack. It illuminates her crystal blue orbs, only to disappear in a flash. She leans her head back against the wall, thinking of the pain that little light just caused her. That light, though, was worth the pain. Pain means nothing if you look at it as so.

Closing her eyes once again, she escapes from the physical prison into the past reality of her dreams and memories. Yes, this was the place she had lived. This was the story that she would leave behind, no matter how gruesome or terrorizing. This was the person that she had become, but not necessarily the person she wanted to me. She escapes from her physical prison...into the one of her mind. The dangerous maze of constant changes and remembrance.

Yes, she will lose herself here.