As Dirty As Toms

Chapter 4

Suddenly I hear, "...okay."
Obviously Chris.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. They're not even whispering!

"You think that's really going to work?" Chris sounds so worried about this 'plan' they're hatching up.

"...Junior in High School...fucking c'mon..."
Obviously Cal
" 'c-a-k-e' glad you know how to spell. That's not what this is..."
"...easy? Ha!"
"Fuck-in', California! Babe..."
"Cake. With a fucking. Cherry."
"Honey....this is a terrible idea."
"....hard...grow...get out of...this. "
"But-"
"Dude. It's happening."

They come out from the other room very awkwardly.

"Jade, honey-lamb, we need to," Chris coughs roughly and side-eyes Cal. "Talk about some things."

"I already heard everything." I cross my arms smugly. I then uncross them quickly because whatever the verdict is it can't possibly be too bad. Like I can do grounded. I like grounded.

"Honey..."

" You're going to school for a month, Jade. You don't get to skip. You don't get to ditch. You can't get suspended."
I groan. Ok. But it's still not that ba-

"And you're going to make at least one bloody friend because this is just weird. You spend too much time alone brooding. At least give yourself someone to talk to.
Chris and I can't keep doing this. Things are too busy around here, Skye we love you, but you really do need to...learn how to love yourself. Your life! With the way things are, like, some of the most prized moments in your life are going to pass you by.
Your mom and dad aren't here...but...at least they lived."

I immediately blush. Hard.

Huh. Ok. So I don't have a life and I'm unhappy. But I am, happy? And I like being alone?

I do...miss them. But I really can't handle being around all these people who just want to be "in your business".

I just sit there. How do I even make a friend? How can I dupe them without even having to make a friend? Is actually what popped into my head first. I look at Chris, then Cal and stare at him because I know that he's not messing around. I stare harder just to find out. Not blinking. Just staring.

Cal stares back flexing an eyebrow. Thirty seconds have passed and I'm still going strong.

Fifty five and Cal's eyebrow has relaxed but his eyes don't even look like they're going to water anytime soon.

Sixty-two. I can hold out a little longer. My eyes start to twitch instinctively.

Sixty-eight and-
I freaking blink.

"Damn." I whisper.
"Two months. And if I catch you sneaking around, if I even suspect that you've missed a minute of one class, a staring contest is the least you'll have to worry about."

I get up to go to my room. I just need to think but I feel like I shouldn't leave the house again. At least not while either of them is awake...

"I didn't say you could go, Jade. I -we-" ,he points at Chris and then himself. "Are serious about this."

"Alright. Clear." I sigh.
"It's okay if you need to go tonight. Get some of that fog off the ol' nog. Because when school starts tomorrow, I know you'll feel like you've entered hell."

Whelp. He's not wrong.

      ...

I chose the beach this time. For the first time in a long time this just feels like somewhere I want to be. Seagulls call to each other in the distance, squalling about whose food is whose.
I close my eyes and breathe out.

In my mind I imagine walking into a dark theatre with rows of empty chairs. I hear the sound of clapping. Clapping with no hands, faces or voices.

I picture myself tapping each row with the tips of my fingers my nails slightly snagging on velvet seats. The feeling of fabric hairs getting caught and tangled under my ridged fingertips.

The clapping sound gets louder. I swear it sounds so real...

My eyes snap open. The last rays of sun running into the creases of the sky, like a door slightly left open, letting flecks of light shine through from the other room. My head whips around towards the clapping, which sounds more like a clacking now and less like hands flapping together.

A biker rides past. A card stuck between their back wheels making the paddling sound I hear. They hop off and push their bike the rest of the way to hopefully-somewhere.

"Anywhere that isn't here." I grunt. I light a cig and let it dance between my fingers. The brightest light I can see for miles.
Love myself. Be...somewhat content.
I let the thought roll around in my mind. And almost before it starts to become more than just a thought I choke my cigarette in the sand and make my way back home.