Depth of Poison

The Past

Please be advised that I am not an expert in this field, and while I have made efforts to conduct research, not all information presented in this book can be guaranteed as fully accurate. This work is classified as fiction.

Chapter 1

Fallen

At the age of 6, my parents sought an evaluation from a psychiatrist for me, ultimately leading to a diagnosis of antisocial behavior. Subsequently, I underwent various treatment modalities, including cognitive-behavioral therapy, hypnosis, family therapy, and different medications, all in the hope that I would one day transform into the conventional daughter they desired. Interestingly, the outcomes did not align with their expectations. A therapist, whom I was confiding in, elucidated to my parents that my demeanor was a result of being remarkably perceptive for my age, attributing it to my keen observations and inquiries into human behavior. I adeptly pieced together individuals' decisions based on their emotional state, comprehending their motives without personal resonance. It was akin to idly flipping through television channels due to sheer boredom

I went through various treatment options such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, hypnosis, family therapy, and different medications. All because my parents thought If I did I would one day magically be the normal daughter they had always wanted

Funny how it didn't work out how they wanted.

A therapist I was seeing told my parents I was just mature for my age but that was because I would observe everyone and question what they did.

I would piece together what choice they made based on their mood and such.. understanding them but at the same time I didn't care because it didn't affect me. It was like watching tv, flipping through the channels bored out of your mind.

From ages 6 to 7 I had to constantly switch medications due to the side effects.

I hardly remember talking and being in contact with my parents and brothers. My memory of them is fuzzy.

What I do remember is that I would always ask my parents why I had to take the medicine when it didn't even taste good and it made me feel like shit.

When switching different medications;

I would eat until I felt like throwing up.

Other times I wouldn't be hungry at all.

I would lose or gain weight depending on how the medication effected me. But still I don't feel anything. The medicine made me feel sluggish or full of energy.

Depending on my mood I would start trying to hurt my brothers or kids at school just to see their reactions and response which were always boring. Sometimes I would copy the people around me, my therapist, the kids at school, or my parents. It was all boring.

When I couldn't sleep because of the medication I was on I would watch tv all night.
Everyone kept there doors lock so I could do whatever I wanted while everyone was asleep.
Usually Id be supervised.
Whether at home or at school or the doctors/therapist office.
People either talk to much, making it about themselves or they say things to get me to talk back.

When I was alone at night I loved watching action movies and horror movies. The intense reactions of he actors had me smiling and forgetting about everything.

Being supervised and under observation just in case was a toll.
I always had to act right and think about my next moves, even when my mind is blank.

I couldn't have no answer or else they'd get fussy. But having a answer would make another fuss. It was annoying.

The drugs made me feel like a doll.
And it made my mom the happiest from what I remember.

When I was on the medication it was exhausting.

I went through 4 different medications in two years, until my parents friend recommended an alternative option.

So at 8 years old my parents took me off medication completely. They were trying natural remedies. My parents and brothers were still distant and I started doing yoga and exercising.

As the youngest, I would follow along and do what they did like a shadow.

I was doing meditation 5 minutes a day. There was a big difference in my behavior. I stopped feeling less sluggish and enjoyed being active.

I didn't try to hurt my brothers anymore.

I stopped picking on classmates and didn't get into trouble as much.

But I still had daily visits to a therapist and was observed everyday. when I turned 9 I was tired of the same old routine. I was still bored.

So In the middle of the night when everyone was asleep I snuck out the back door of the house and went to the park.

I faintly remember walking through the dimly lit park looking for anything to do, when a body on the ground caught my attention.

I went up and kicked it.

There was a grunt sound before the body started yelling at me.

" Uh, You piece of Shit, I'm going to fuck you up!"

I kicked them again then took off running right after. It was fun.

I spent the rest of my time roaming through the dark empty streets, kicking rocks and acting like I was being chased. It was probably two hours later when I got home.

There were police cars, fire trucks, and an ambulance lined up outside my house. It was still dark out.

I casually walked up to the flashing cars.

A police officer saw me and asked me what my name was and why I was about at 3 am?

"My name is Fallen Devo. I was playing at The Park."

He gave me a bewildered look but I focused back on the front door of my house ignoring him.

Two men dressed neatly were wheeling a person covered in a white sheet out the door.

I faintly heard people talking but my line of focus was stuck on the people exiting my house.

The smoke emanating from the people was like ghosts flying toward the sky.

I ran up to them and start questioning them.

"What are you doing?"

.............

I later learned that after I snuck out an electric fire broke out and killed my parents and brothers.

It turns out there was an electric issue in my eldest brother's room, they died of smoke inhalation. The fire spread quickly through the wires in the walls and started a fire internally through the house. My parents had asphyxiated on the smoke while trying to get my brothers out of their locked bedroom.

I was sent to live with my dad's brother, my uncle TJ.

I never cried that day or after it. I didn't feel anything.