Está tudo bem..?

In english

The title is "Is everything okay...?"

If it's all a big nothing, what motivates me to spend hours and hours of my day doing what I don't want? Maybe being a functional person would be the answer, but even that doesn't sound desirableWhy am I constantly exploited and have no motivation to fight back? Sometimes, even with effort, the reward doesn't come, and sometimes it never would, my mistake is always waiting for it to come.Often the emptiness of not having a great divine being behind, or a great life goal already predestined, shakes the person's life, causing demotivation, but it shouldn't, not believing it's also about freedom, of doing what you as a person you believe is correct and what you, as a thinking being, prefer to do. Emptiness is motivating, it's what makes you think that nothing will judge you in the future and that you are completely free to do what you think is best.Sometimes it is disorienting not to have a guide on what is good to do or not, but after a while you get used to it and even start to prefer it, shaping your own life with your own beliefs about what is best is comforting, it makes you have Proud of what you've built over the years.Sometimes you think about why you were born if you didn't have a great objective behind it, but then you remember that as you were born by chance, you will also die by chance.Sometimes the doubts about why people don't commit terrible crimes when they don't believe in divine punishment become too loud.Sometimes you think about why you were born in the place you were born, in the conditions you were born in, but when you believe that it is by chance the fault for not choosing to live where you live doesn't exist.No one is luckier than another being for being born with a silver spoon, no one chose to be at the bottom so that someone could be at the top, it was just chance for some because their genes came from a good family tree.Sometimes chance is cruel, sometimes demotivation is cruel, sometimes the desire to evaporate becomes very strong.Sometimes, feeling part of something bigger is desirable, sometimes wanting to appear bigger than you actually are helps you swallow life, sometimes the attempt to increase your importance comes from your subconscious, which constantly searches for an essence, even that sometimes doesn't exist.Sometimes life is just an incessant search for a difference, a constant search to renew yourself and search for your true self, search for your soul, your personality, discover your tastes, even if sometimes this search only results in frustration.However, this incessant search for a difference means that when found it is worth much more, it is more special.Human beings are self-destructive, they always look for something new, a new feeling or a new sensation, even if harmful.If we know it's harmful, why do we go after it? Why do we unconsciously insist on something different?Life is a battle, against others, against yourself.Your being constantly fights against fear, fear of being different from others, fear of being like others, fear of your tastes, fear of your lack of tastes. Sometimes the fear of the future is great, so we turn to the past.Dealing with the present is scary, dealing with the future is scary, digesting the past is tiring; living is tiring.Sometimes the feeling of emptiness feels scary, sometimes it feels comforting, but most of the time it's just there, existing, just like us.Relationships are complicated, knowing how to deal with people is complicated, knowing how to digest thoughts and emotions is complicated.Knowing how to accept that sometimes you are the villain in the situation is difficult, knowing how to accept that sometimes you are not that wrong is difficult, knowing that the line between wrong and right is not demarcated is difficult.Making decisions is like a shot in the dark, sometimes you shoot believing you are right and miss your aim, sometimes you shoot and get it right.It's common to make mistakes, it's common for you to make a decision and regret it in the future, but you're expected to get it right.It is unconsciously desired that you always get it right, that you are always the hero, but it is impossible to achieve this desire.Life can be compared to a race, full of obstacles, extremely long for some, short for others, sometimes you will be privileged and not have any obstacles along with a long, well built, well painted and beautiful track, but you will probably You will have to deal with a track made in a hurry, poorly finished, full of challenges, depending, extremely short.You are expected to be strong, that you are the "1 in a million" who will be lucky enough to have a good life, having to maintain hope for a future that is not in your hands.It's okay in the middle of this bad race for you to fall, it's okay for you to rest, it's okay to fail.

Sorry for any errors in the text, English is not my first language.