Cassiopeia Lily Malfoy (Harry X Draco)

Chapter 6

Potter,
Look. I know you said you didn't want anything to do with me, and I wouldn't write if I weren't desperate, but I am desperate, because father just kicked me out and I don't have any money and I don't know what I'm going to fucking do and I'm so scared and fuck. I'm not going to send this, am I? I can't. Let me try again. Consider this a first draft.

Potter, I know you despise me with every fibre of your being, but if you don't send me some money your child is going to be born in this tube station. (Why am I in a tube station? I tried slouching around Diagon Alley but people kept giving me nasty looks. So I'm sitting at Charring Cross, before the barriers, obviously. Haven't got muggle money. Or any money. Or a place to stay.)

I know you don't owe me anything.

I'm just sort of panicking a bit right now. But it will be fine! It will be so fine. Tragedy + time = comedy, yes? Like haha remember that time I swore myself into the Dark Lord's private army and did a million things I will regret for the rest of my life, oh what fun.

One day, I'll be at a party, and someone will say, "Hey Draco, tell that one about the time you pregnant in a muggle tube station, disinherited, hated and alone?"

And my face will light up.

"Oh yes," I'll say. "That's a good one."

Fuck this. I'll write to Blaise. He doesn't give a toss about me, but he doesn't actively dislike me, either.

D. Malfoy

Dear Potter,
I don't know if you've heard, but I've moved in with Blaise. It's more or less temporary, I think. What I mean is, Blaise is not the sort of person who stays interested for long. And I'm huge. And I feel ill all the time. And I'm just no fun, and Blaise is ALL fun, and the sex has been pretty lacklustre; I think he does it out of some kind of misplaced sense of duty (that's certainly why I do it), and shit, I can't send this letter, either, can I? No matter. This a first draft. I'm writing because... because I was surprised you weren't interested in Cassie. That's what I'm calling her. Unless I hear from you. I am open to other options. This is sort of what I mean. Don't you want to help pick her name? I know you'd choose something sickeningly meaningful.

I was thinking Lily for a middle name, because Severus once told me that was your mother's name.

I don't even know if that's right. Maybe I misheard.

Apparently giving birth is quite dangerous? Who knew. Blaise changes the subject whenever I bring it up. I think he's nervous. I'm trying not to be nervous because stress is bad for the baby.

It's not exactly that I miss you; obviously I barely know you. I guess it's more that it's hard to do this alone. Maybe that's what I deserve? Is that what you think? Probably. Ah well, if you zoom out enough, it's not so bad. It's funny, really, if you squint.

Blaise pays for everything. He has an allowance from his mother, and it's not really enough for the two of us. I had a job for a few months, but then I got sick and had to quit. I wish you'd send some bloody money, to be honest. Maybe I'll send the next letter.

D. Malfoy

Dear Harry,
She's a fucking horror show of a baby, that's for sure. Full head of fucking hair, like Richard III. Dark as pitch and green eyes, as if she knew she'd have to work to convince you to love her. But you would love her, if you met her. I think anyone would. But you especially,

Blaise asked me once, why I chose to keep her. I did think about it. The birth was pretty feral, they thought I wasn't going to make it; I mean, it's not like this is meant to happen. And she's going to ruin my life. already has.