Roaming Brain/"The Wee Hours"

Idk What to Do

Honestly I guess this stuff with Blair has come to an end and idk how to feel about it. I shouldn't care but I actually cared about him even if I was doing it for fun and it was nice and cool body to have. But I screwed up, I admit weather he was fucking another bitch or not I still shouldn't have done what I did when I knew what I did. I told the truth tho even though and even though things could have ended right then and there he still wanted to have me around. And to me it seemed like he only wanted me around until he found someone new OR since it's valentines he already had somebody(which I think it's the case) because why not say something to me after you said u would see me and then not text me after you said that's what u we're gonna do. Then when I told you I was back in town you didn't say anything not even okay or we could link up later on or when he was free and it's not like he's employed anywhere he literally makes his own schedule from his crib. Ughh I just don't know what to do but I clearly can't do anything about it but also he hasn't posted anything nor has he watched my story nor does it say he's active on ig buhh I'm thinking too much about a man that's not officially mine and we are going bowling today so I think I'll just focus my energy on that even if it will be bad. Mann I keep trying for something that's not there and I hate when I do that because I'm the one that really gets hurt. Well I know I hurt him so I shouldn't take it too personal but damn I kind of want this to work but if it doesn't I'll just have to except and take it like a really bitch. FUCK!!! I'm so tired of this shit phone is dry cus I cut off all my hoes and not even for this man for myself because I was tired of them and I'm not starting a new roster either this will be a clean slate. I thought about it and I attempted to start a new roster but I just couldn't hold the conversation all these nigga are lame and annoying and I mean all of them. If this doesn't work and I feel like it won't then I will happily be by myself but until I know what going on in my mind and in real life because that is very important I'm gonna hold out some type of faith that this will work and if it doesn't, that's okay because I knew what it was when we first started and I know what it is now. Nothing. Come to think about it I literally know nothing about this nigga tbh so what am I holding out hope for the 3 month rule literally just happened and we are just now getting into the fourth month🤣 I meannnnn what did u expect to happen this is lowkey karma for what u did to mr.barelyhadmunyun. Ayee but I don't regret it and he probably doesn't either so wtf am I really tripping about. Absolutely nothing bitch put that shit on this weekend tf and go outside.🙄

Idk what I was thinking, well yes I do I actually miss this man or well being around him I guess he literally just had a chill vibe we didn't have to dtm you know what I mean? I know what I was there for and so does he ughhh why did I have to go and fuck it up weather he was fucking somebody else I didn't care as long as the dick came back to me Idgaf. Fuck me dawg. Speaking of, literally one of the best fucks of my life comes at #2 but a strong two because he actually has a fucking brain but anyway.... Now I don't care about him like that anymore since he's #2 but ughhh I just don't know, I don't know

wtf am I doing with my life bruhh idk why this man is consuming my brain because I'm not love bombing ANYONE. I just told the truth and I feel like he took it how he wanted to he could've told me sum like this, "I hear you, but I don't want to pursue things any further, you really hurt me" and as a sympathetic person(only when I cause the problem) I will understand and I'll do my best to let it go peacefully because you were honest with me. And that's one thing, I'm not a liar I used to lie soooo much it became first nature really. But it's soo easy to get caught up in a lie even a little white one. It all comes out in the end dead or alive and I'd rather tell the truth now. No lying no hiding your gonna see me bare but with a cage around my heart. I don't lie anymore sure it would've been easy to lie. Lying is the easiest thing for me to do but I'm not protecting anyone but myself and hurting you would hurt me more. I don't like that, I don't like doing that to anybody I care about. And no I don't love him I just really care about him because he was really sweet to me and I hurt him. I'm surprised he gave me a second chance and wanted to see me in the first place and if it didn't make it past things now then I'm happy with it. At least it lasted a lil while longer but ik the stereotypes with Black women and elite men but I'm not gonna get into allat. Goodnight from the brain🫶🏾