Yeah this book is just going to be a lot of ranting when I need to.
Like a diary of sorts.
Do you ever feel like you're completely useless? Like you've lost everyone you've ever cared for? Isolated?
Yeah, me too.
All day, every day.
I guess nobody notices though because I don't say anything, I put on a fake smile and hope for the best.
But when that fake smile just gets too much, one someone says that one thing to send you over, you break down and go into full relapse.
Which I did last night.
I relapsed.
I didn't want to, nor did I have any control over it.
But I feel really sorry for everyone who had to see me in that state.
Except for my 'mother'. There's some people who you know wasn't ready to have a kid, or they thought they were ready but aren't. My mother is one of them. She didn't show any speck of sympathy last night when I did relapse. She told me that if I needed a drink, that I'd have to pay for it, when she knew full well I'd spend the money on food earlier on. Because I hadn't eaten that day cause of the fear of throwing up.
I feel like this is too much, but no matter!
She yelled at me for spending my own money. Which is completely redundant. What am I supposed to do with money, save it? Hahahahahahah no. Saving money for me is like an alien landing on earth - it could happen, but it's next to impossible.
She's a complete and utter bitch.
Why do people get so worked up over the AFL? I swear I'm the only Australian that doesn't yell at their tv when some guy is on top of another guy, which is somehow a BAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLALALALALALALALALLLLL.
Scares the fuckery out of me every time dad yells.
I really hate loud noises that isn't music.
That's a good idea actually.
Music will hopefully put me in a better mood.
I highly doubt it though.
Cause my boyfriend is near tears which is making me sad too.
I can't today.
I just can't anymore tbh.
Sigh.
Pierce the Veil? Where are you? You need to tell me everything will be okay.
Ohey tears. Not yet. Stay away for a bit.
Sigh.
Music.
That's it.
