Falling For Her

Chapter 20

I hurriedly left the house, trailing behind him with caution. Over the past year, I had picked up driving skills, which allowed me to tail him in my car, keeping a discreet distance. He needed not to notice me, as that was the only way I could uncover the truth. Finally, his car stopped at Aman's house, and I stealthily followed him indoors.

I observe as Arnav walks into Aman's room and hugs him.

Arnav (upset) - I betrayed her Aman... I betrayed my MAYA...

Aman - What do you mean ASR?

Arnav: Today, I shared a bed with Khushi... and I'm overwhelmed with guilt. No one should be in my arms except Maya. It's a betrayal of her memory. I made a promise that I would wait for her, that I wouldn't let myself be drawn to anyone else after her... especially not someone connected to Maya's death.

I stood there in shock, his words hitting me like a tidal wave. He still blamed me for Maya's death. I thought we had overcome this, that we had moved beyond it. But at that moment, all my dreams and hopes seemed to crumble, and I couldn't hold back the tears. I hurried out of the room, overcome with sorrow. Why did it feel like life was always dealing me these painful blows?

I rushed to the car, my cheeks damp with tears, and drove back home. Just in time, my papa's call came through.

Papa - Hi beta, Kem che? Listen, about dinner tonight... What were you thinking? I know you love Jalebi, so your mom...

Papa's voice trails off as he hears sniffling on the other end. I can't keep it inside any longer. As he asks me what's wrong, I decide to let someone in on the true story behind Arnav and me – our childhood, our time in college, our married life, and everything that has transpired.

Papa - pack your bags, I am coming to get you. I don't want any argument and keep your phone on you...

Without a word of protest, I start packing up my things from what used to be our bedroom, now his. In the year and a half of our marriage, I've dealt with both his love and his hate. I had hopes of turning our friendship into something more, maybe even love. But he still loves Maya, and I understand. It's not easy to move on from someone you've loved deeply.

If being close to me makes him feel like he's betraying Maya, if it makes him feel disgusted or guilty, then maybe it's time for a change. Maybe it's time for me to step back. He still blames me for Maya's death. In this past year, I haven't heard him mention her even once, but now I realise he talks about his feelings towards me and her to Aman. He talks about feeling torn between us. He still doesn't fully trust me to share his feelings towards me.

As I'm about to leave, tears in my eyes, I spot him standing before me. He had forced a smile, but as soon as he noticed my teary eyes and the luggage I was holding, his smile faded into a frown.

Arnav: Khushi, where are you going? What's going on? Why are you crying?

Me (angry): I'm going back to my home. I'm crying because of you, Arnav. I genuinely believed you trusted me. I wanted to give us another shot, but now I realise that was a huge mistake. I need some space away from you.

I attempt to walk away, but he holds me and grasps my arms.

Arnav (worried): Why?

I'm about to respond to him when another hand intervenes, forcibly breaking Arnav's grip.

Papa (angry): That's enough, ASR. You know, I once thought you were the perfect husband for my daughter. I believed you would never make her cry. But I was mistaken. I've made many mistakes in my life, one of which led me to lose my daughter. But not anymore. I hope you find happiness in the memories of your ex-girlfriend. Expect divorce papers from my daughter in the coming days.

Arnav's shocked expression is evident as he attempts to speak, but I choose to walk past him, my father by my side. The word "divorce" lingers heavily in my thoughts, casting doubt upon its suitability for my situation. Uncertain and unwilling to broach the subject without a clear mind, I maintain a solemn silence during the car ride.

As the car comes to a stop, I rush out and hug my mother who is standing with a worried expression.

Mum (worried) - beta, I heard what happened... I know this might not be the right time but we also have something to share...

My mother settles me into the sofa, takes a few deep breaths, and begins to speak, ignoring my father's persistent signals urging her not to share anything.

Mum - We have found out about Arnav's past...

I stare at her in shock. How did they find out? For a year now, I have been waiting for Arnav to tell me how Maya died... Is it wrong for me to know this? Is it wrong that I have lost my patience? Should I wait?

My thoughts are interrupted by Mum who starts explaining the history.

Mum - Look beta...

A loud, angry voice interrupts her just as she's about to speak.

Arnav (angrily): That's something I'll handle.

Arnav gets really angry and rushes over to me. He ushers me into my room and locks the door. I end up sitting on the bed. Even though he's holding me firmly, I don't feel it, probably because I'm crying so much. In the tense quiet, Arnav takes a deep breath and lets go of me.

He kneels in front of me, tears streaming down his face. I gaze at him, utterly surprised. The question in my mind lingers: Why is he crying?