𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀 𝙂𝙊𝙀𝙎-ˡᵘᵏᵉ ᵃˡᵛᵉᶻ

eight

HOTCH TURNED HIS GAZE TO SADIE as she settled into her seat. "You disobeyed direct orders and put yourself in a dangerous situation. You could have gotten yourself killed. You could have gotten others killed," he began, his tone stern but not devoid of understanding.

Sadie's face tightened, her jaw clenching as she accepted the gravity of her actions. Francesca was gone, and it was her fault. "I know, I know," she said quietly. "I put myself at risk and I endangered others. I just couldn't let those kids suffer anymore."

Hotch nodded, his expression grave. "I understand why you did it, Sadie. I understand your passion for the job and your desire to save lives. But, you have to understand, in this line of work, following orders is critical. It keeps you and your team safe. It's what keeps us effective."

Sadie's expression softened as she listened to Hotch's words. "I'm sorry, Hotch," she said sincerely. "I know I messed up," Hotch's eyes held hers for a moment, and then he nodded in acknowledgement.

"Sadie, you're a valuable member of this team, and I know you're passionate about what you do. But you need to understand the consequences of disobeying orders," he began, his voice firm.

Sadie met his gaze, her eyes reflecting a mix of apprehension and remorse. "I do," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

Hotch paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "Effective immediately, you'll be on probation for the next month. During this time, you'll report directly to me and will not be assigned to field work unless authorized by me or a team lead." Hotch states.

Sadie's frustration bubbled to the surface. "A month might not seem like much to you, Hotch, but it's an eternity," she countered, her voice tinged with indignation. "I've dedicated years to this team, and one mistake shouldn't overshadow all of that."

Hotch met her gaze evenly. "I understand your concerns, Sadie, but we have to maintain accountability," he replied firmly. "Your actions had serious consequences, and we need to ensure that they're not repeated."

"But I've never shied away from taking responsibility for my actions," Sadie protested, her tone pleading. "I've always put the team first, and I'll continue to do so. But a month of desk duty feels like a punishment that doesn't fit the crime."

Hotch sighed, his expression softening slightly. "I hear you, Sadie, and I appreciate your dedication. But I can't make exceptions when it comes to enforcing protocol," he explained. "We need to send a clear message that disregarding orders is not acceptable, no matter the circumstances."

Sadie's shoulders sagged, her frustration giving way to resignation. She knew arguing further would be futile. "Fine," she conceded, her voice laced with defeat. "I'll accept the consequences and make the most of my time on probation."

Hotch nodded, his expression sympathetic. "I know it's tough, Sadie, but I believe this experience will make you a stronger agent in the long run," he said reassuringly.

Sadie forced a small nod, her resolve firm. Deep down, she knew Hotch was right, but accepting the consequences still stung. As she left the room, she felt her hands shake and her breathing going faster. She started feeling nauseous.

She walks as fast as she could towards the bathroom passing Spencer and Luke who were talking.

As she reached the bathroom, she locked the door, and that's when her tears fell. She leaned towards the toilet as she held her hair and let it all out.

She sat there for a total of twenty minutes, sobbing and puking. Right now, she was staring at the wall, just numb. It was a weird feeling to explain. How she went from sobbing to not feeling anything. But she always had that after a panic attack. She didn't even like to call it a panic attack.

She slowly stood up and flushed the toilet and made her way to the sink, and looked at herself through the mirror.

Her mascara had smudged. She washed her mouth and then got a paper towel and made it wet. She slowly got rid of the smudged mascara.

She didn't look fine. But she couldn't care less. She just wanted to go home and sink into her bed and forget about everything.

She closes her eyes as her head starts to throb, feeling a little dizzy. She'd forgotten to take her pain meds. She groans, realizing her oversight, and retrieves her medication from her bag on the desk. She takes three pills, one more than prescribed, but doesn't dwell on it.

"Are you okay?" Luke's voice interrupts her thoughts as he stands beside her desk. She shoots him a glare, and he nods, backing off slightly. "Right..." he mumbles, sensing her mood. "Well... I was just coming to tell you that Hotch informed me about you being on probation," Luke begins, and Sadie rolls her eyes. "Great," she mutters.

"And since I'm new to the team, he thought I could shadow you to learn more about profiling," Luke continues, trying to be helpful. Sadie's annoyance deepens. "Why can't someone else do that?" she asks, frustration evident in her tone. Luke shrugs awkwardly, not having an answer.

Of course, he knew. After Hotch had told him, Luke had suggested himself to stay behind with Sadie. He wanted to make sure she wouldn't feel alone and that they could potentially become friends. Although they had stated they were friends, he hadn't noticed any change in her demeanor toward him.

"Fine... I guess we don't have a choice," she says, resigned. Sadie then notices Penelope heading towards the conference room. "And I guess we're starting now, newbie," she adds, standing up. Luke is caught off guard by the term "newbie." "Newbie?" he questions, confused. Sadie nods. "That one is going to follow you around for a while," she smirks, then walks away. Luke sighs and shakes his head as he follows her.