𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐡𝐢𝐜 // matt sturniolo imagines

𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬

having matt as a best friend was like finding a part of you that you didn't know existed. sure, perhaps before you met him, it felt like no part of you was missing. however, as soon as you laughed alongside him whilst drinking slurpees on the pavement, you soon realized that he practically accounted for a part of you that you weren't sure you'd ever find if it wasn't for matt. 

you had met him from nick, who had you in a photography class in freshman year. you and nick clicked, of course, so meeting his brothers wasn't something too out of the ordinary. there was something about matt's calm demeanor that you instantly found to be delightful. realizing that your personalities flowed and contrasted quite well, you soon started hanging out with him more. 

being a triplet meant that he does everything with his brothers. it's a package deal; you get one, you also get two more. from going to the grocery store to pick up things that mary-lou had asked them to buy for dinner, to going to friends' houses, to going on trips to boston whenever they wanted, it was known that being a triplet meant sticking with the two people you've been stuck to since you were born. however, matt liked hanging out with you without his brothers. it's not that he doesn't love his brothers; he would kill or die for them if he had to. it's just that he liked to be able to give back the energy you gave him without having to worry about two other people to take the spotlight away from him. 

thus, you started calling him your best friend and, in return, he started calling you his best friend. 

over the years, your view of him began to change drastically and morphed into an alternate version of friendship. love languages could account for friendship, but it can also account for something more. a secret handshake between the two speaks volumes; you were obviously best friends (or so you thought.) however, the late night cuddles on the living room couch while movies and snowfall played in the background also speaks volumes; do best friends do this? 

of course, you pondered on what life would be like if you could call him your boyfriend instead of your best friend; what it would be like to get kisses instead of hugs, or what would happen if you went to his lacrosse games wearing his jersey as a girlfriend instead of a best friend. you never told anyone about the thoughts you had about matt out of fear that it would ruin things. so, you shoved your thoughts to the back of your mind and only thought of it when you absolutely couldn't stand not thinking about it. it would've killed you if word got out about your supposed feelings for him; why fix something that isn't broken? 

however, after matt got a girlfriend during junior year, you set your mind onto the fact that you two were meant to be only best friends. the universe sent matthew his "soulmate" and, unfortunately, that wasn't you. you watched his lips kiss her cheek, as well as her waist fitting into his arms. you watched a mirror, except, that mirror was another universe: a universe where you weren't matt's girl. deja vu, except, you technically never got to live it. 

so, you distanced. you rarely spoke to him and, when you did, you were a desert with nothing in it; dry, flaky, plain, not-much-going-on. you avoided all touch like it was the plague, in fear that it would somehow rekindle your feelings for him. he was a taken man and you had respect. 

matthew, of course, was attentive. he paid attention to every time you tried to leave the conversation or move your arm so he wouldn't latch onto it. to him, it hurt how much you changed. he knew it was because of his girlfriend and he didn't know why he somehow craved your touch more than hers. so, he broke up with her. 

fast forward to a couple years later and now you're both 20 and living in the same apartment. it was currently valentines day and you moped about how you've never really had a valentine. however, you stopped trying to kid yourself; you never had a valentine because you wanted him to be your valentine. there was no more denial that you had feelings for him, only denial that he felt the same.