Forever On

Forever

The air is crisp cold with fresh anxiety. A buzz of silence fills the city air. I can't feel my feet as they push against the souls of my shoes. My life feels as if it is at a stand still. nobody moves or breaks the solid wall of people that fills the street. It is funny how when you are standing outside with nothing else to do you always notice something different even if it is in your own yard. I would have never seen that crack in the sidewalk or the way the sun hits my glassy house. My neighbors our patiently sitting still. I wish I could be patient, but I always seem to be doing something even swaying when everyone else is standing straight that is what will get me killed.
I watch as the metal men walk along the walks checking our wrists to see if our behavior lights are on and our monitor watches work correctly. I have seen a couple of people being carried away old, young, many because their lights were not on. My light is not on. I watch as the lights of others light up the night street, while my light remains off. I feel my knees thud together with an unusual sensation. I have researched my symptoms to insure I am not catching a cold but all that comes up is "fear". I don't know how to treat this "fear" but it seems to be steadily worsening. My heart rate rises. My light is still not on. I don't want to leave my home but if my light does not come on I will be gone. The steps of the metal men ring in my ears. It is the only noise for miles. Every one in the world -it seems- is quite but the metal men. I hear it get louder and louder then softer as he walks down the edge of the other sidewalk parallel to mine. Then a second set of foots steps approach me. The footsteps stop next to me. The man gives me his signature smug/stern look. He looks to examine my watch and I was ready for his hand to reach out for my should... but... it never did. He walked on. The footsteps got softer and softer. My light was not on. The rest of the night I could only think about the red lights lighting up the street and why mine never did. I am Forever...
hopless.
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I am dazed by the day's events. My mind feels like is going to explode from so many questions I wish to ask. I know that there is no one I can trust. When I reach the door it seems as if it took ages to get there even though it only took me a couple of minutes to get from the sidewalk to the front porch. So many things racing through my mind makes my moment of "fear" seem like a lifetime ago. The world, once at a standstill, is now spinning faster than ever. My urge to go inside is gone I need fresh air to clear my mind -as if it will. I look at my wrist watch.
My light is still not on.

"EVERYTHING YOU WANT IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FEAR"
-Jack Canfield