Being the Warrior: How to Ignite the Pain You Take

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It was the summer of 2023. I met the person, who I thought God wanted me to be with forever. Her name was Eden. (name changed for security reason) She moved into my Neborhood, that summer. At first I just saw her as someone who was not worth being around. It was June 10th when I had my first interaction. She came to my house to play with my sister Grace. Eden was swimming in our pool. She got out, and was drying off. She asked my sister a quotation "Hey Grace do you play any instruments?? My sister told her "No. I tried learning piano but my teacher said I don't have the patience for it."

"Oh. You should try again. I know the Guitar, and saxophone. Wanna jump on your guys trampoline??" Eden told her.

"Sure" Grace yelled. She walked off and went to the trampoline.

My sister asked "What do you think about her" Is she hot?? This was a normal question from her mouth. I answered her Question "I mean she has a okay personality. She seemed outgoing, down to earth, and very forgiving. She seems like a good. Person. I would say, she is pretty. Just not my type.

So I went inside. Then about my day, using my Sonic toys, Banging my head to some sick Skillet. the album Dominion: Day of Destiny, I think?

A few days went by and I saw Eden and Grace hanging out again. After Grace asked me the question "Did I think Eden was hot" I started seeing Eden as attractive. I was skateboarding, and was Shy. I's like when you have a cush on someone, and your scared to be around them That's how I was.

I walked my yard just to see Eden's face. I did this 2-5 times until my gut told me to stop. I continued to skateboard, thinking about her.

My dad called me and said it was time to clean the house. I did so, but I did not want to. I wanted to be outside forever, just to see Eden. I cleaned my room, cleaned everything I had to. I walked up to my Grace and told er Okay! Okay Eden, she is pretty fine." Grace smiled. Grace Told me "Eden also said she thinks you cute" This shocked me. I never had someone think I was cute. This turned my love on even more.

The next day was Saturday, I was inside all day, but I could not see her, because she did not come. Later Sunday happened. It was the same expect I went to church. Monday came, and during the summer I did this camp for Taekwondo. I was a Staff member. It was kinda fun.

I went home, and went straight to skateboarding, I skated for about 4 hours. I went down her Street, TONS of times, trying to get her attention. I didn't She came up and asked for my sister. I agreed to. I went and mt sister said she was busy, so that's what I told her. Eden said "Thanks Steven." I said no problem. She walked back to her house, a week or so went. It was Wednesday, and she came over again, and she asked if she could hang out with Grace, they hung out, after like 20 minutes, she went home to put on her bathing suit, my sister "Forced me hang out with them" so I did. A week went by and I was fine being around Eden. Whenever she came over I got nervous.

A few weeks later, I had to go to a camp called MFUGE, it was fun I met a crew. But I felt depressed the entire time. I missed Eden so much. I prayed every night that God would bless Eden. After I went home from MFUGE, she left for a camp. So I has not seen her for 3 weeks. With someone like me, whose entire social Calander, his love, my everything was arranged for this person was so affected. I tried texting her, she did not respond. I was so depressed, but she came home, and I was happy. I hung out with her just me and her. My parents were not home, they were at dinner with the worship pastor at my church.

We talked about her camp and my camp. Both sounded fun. I told her I was trying to learn how to play the guitar. She asked if I could bring it out and I agreed. So, I brought it out, she inspected it, and played it a little. We scared some more, she left to go get water, and I hit in a tree to see if she would notice me. She came back like 6 min later, she did not see it. And she asked "Where's Steven??"

"Up here" I yelled

She claimed the tree with me. And we where in it for about 10-15 minutes.

My love for this women was growing every second I knew her. Evey time I was with her, I felt so happy so free, so peaceful. I loved Eden so much. I hung out with her a few times by myself after this. I asked my sister why don't you hang out with Eden anymore/?? She told me it's because every time we just stare at each other. And its kinda weird for her.

Times and weeks went by, I hung out with Eden a lot. My love grew so big. She was my idol. I wanted to be more than friends. So I tried doing something to see if it would work. Screenshot out text messages, and edited it to make it where Eden said ""Steven I love you" and I told her the same. "Eden I love you too" it went around my whole house new about it. So Eden came to hang out one time and my 2 younger sisters (not Grace) told her. I hated myself so much. The news was told to her, she knew, and now my life turned to hell. I was in my cul-de-sac, playing the Skillet album, Dominion. I was on the song Dominion. (I love this album this or unleashed are my favorite) Like 20-30 minutes later, she asked if she could hang out with me. I didn't want to, I was so upset, so worried. I did though out of my love for her. So I went on the trampoline, sat and we talked, I opened my text, and it said this hey Steven, uh I know this is kinda a weird question but I was wondering why you photoshopped pictures of me texting you that I loved you? Your sisters mentioned it because they thought it was real? I told her, it was. We had a conversation about it. She said "I'm not like mad or anything it just kind of made me worried and I wanted to ask you"

I knew it was over. She said she wanted to stay friends. My worry left.

Weeks went by since we talked about that. I asked her, if we where still friends and she said She was not safe being around me but we could talk via text. I was kind of fine with that.

Another few weeks went by and I emailed her, saying I wanted to hang out with her, and I miss her. I want her to be happy and I care for her.

She blocked me.

What??

My heart felt like it was ripped into a million pieces. I was so upset. I emailed her asking why she blocked me, and she asked me notj to contact her again.

My heart cried, I was so sad. I still kind of am. I miss her. But God has me. Who knows we might become friends again.

I felt all I had left was..... wait for it....... Nothing. That right. God was not with me, my family I didn't really care. I talked to my therapist about this, and it kinda helped. But my heart was in a million pieces. I was so upset, I sat in my room and was sad. I was so depressed. Im still kinda am.

I learned to ignite pain through all the pain it cause; the pain it caused I cant explain because of how much it was to me.

But at the end, what mattered was God. And who know maybe God will answer my prayer, and let me be friends with Eden again.