𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐞 ☆ 𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐭

𝘅. 𝗺𝗶𝗮𝗺𝗶

There's a tragic radiance possessed by stars. An aura so captivating that its blinding. A talent so undeniable that a stellar future was prophesised. Of glory, blood, sweat and tears. Of raising the heaviest trophy into the air time after time until it became an extension of him.

From the moment Logan began competing in karting he'd been predicted to ascend to the coveted big leagues. Winning title after title he felt less and less guilty with each triumphant victory over essentially uprooting his family's life so he could chase his dream. The look of pride he was met with only fuelled him to win more. And win he did, never championships, besides in karting, but plenty of isolated wins scattered across his career in single seat series. A stellar junior career that rendered him slightly less guilty whenever he doubted himself. That provided a slight relief from the self-loathing that plagued him. Unfortunately, like most good things in his life - it proved temporary.

Stars shine bright in isolation. The problem arises when other variables are factored into the equation. Burning themselves dry, screaming, crying, begging for someone to admire them until their radiance is no longer remarkable, no longer something to be marvelled at. The world keeps spinning and there's always a brighter star to be found. It's a vicious never ending cycle.

Logan hasn't felt incandescent in years.

His career had been a steady crescendo, each victory a step closer to where he wanted to be. But ever since stepping into F1, the glow he once had seemed to dim, his results paling in comparison to the others who seemed to shine effortlessly. There's always someone else—someone younger, more talented, more promising. Someone the world wants to marvel at.

He wasn't sure when the doubts started creeping in, but they'd taken root deep inside him now. At every race, every qualifying session, he wondered if he was already fading. If he was just another driver who would flash bright for a moment before burning out entirely.

"Will you still want me when I'm nothing new?" The lyrics from a familiar taylor swift song he'd often seen edited to him played in his mind, gnawing at him. How did I go from growing up to breaking down?

It felt like he knew everything at 18. He'd known where he was going, what he wanted. He was supposed to have it all figured out. Now, at 22, with everything he had worked for finally in his grasp, he felt more lost than ever. F1 was supposed to be the culmination of his dreams, but instead, it was where those dreams felt most fragile.

The pressure, the eyes on him, the expectation—it was suffocating. How could someone feel so small when surrounded by such grandiosity?

Would he ever feel like he was more than just another fading star?

Pretty much all his life Logan never had a place that he truly associated with home. He may have been born in America and raised there for part of his childhood but after bouncing around different countries in Europe ever since, he felt a disconnect from the place. All the additional PR appearances the team were booking him for in the lead up to the race that weekend were overwhelming and he sincerely hoped it didn't all come across as too much, or worse fake. He was proud of where he came from but it felt a little dishonest getting paraded around, posing as a 'hometown hero' when he hadn't called it home since he was ten years old.

Although he technically had three home races, far more opportunities to shine in front of a home crowd with the sports persistence to break into the American audience and more attention than he ever wanted, Miami was the only one Logan particularly cared for. There's a downside to it as well. Increased opportunity to fail.

Coming off the weekend in Baku with another 16th place that was nothing to scream about in his pocket, Logan tried to remain upbeat but he didn't permit himself to be overly optimistic regarding his race. As much as he dreamed of putting on a good showing for the crowd, points were a bit too ambitious a goal with the current car. Defeated already, and he had yet to get behind the wheel of the car this weekend.