icfb [i can't fucking breathe]

1

"We wouldn't even end up here if it wasn't for her." I spoke. While remembering my ex, I was chilling out one afternoon with my girlfriend right now. Well, chilling out was what I liked to call it.

Even though I have a resting bitch face on the outside, my insides are begging for freedom. Screaming. My head hurt but I did not complain. I did not want to make the love of life feel unsatisfied and leave me like she did.

Flashback to 7 years ago.

I entered class, a new beginning ever since COVID 19. It was horrible, the first day. I was asked to sit between of two best friends and I felt like I was interrupting them, so I tried to focus on my teacher than on the tea they were spilling. It was almost fine until the girl on my right said, "You need to draw margins on the page too."

"Huh?" I was confused.

"Side-margins. They are mandatory unless you want to get a scolding from the teacher on the first day." Her tone was rather sloppy, and when I turned around to look at her, I saw her looking at my work with a disgusted expression.

"Thanks for telling me. I'm new h-here, what is your n-name?" I mentally slapped myself a thousand times for stuttering? Gosh, man up or whatever!

"Ohk Ha-na. You are...?" she said sharply.

"Oh, I'm Min Yoon-byeol. Nice to meet you." I smiled at her. Or rather, flashed my teeth. I was too occupied to even notice a pair of eyes were boring into my back. That was until Ha-na called out to the girl beside me.

"A-reum!"

"Hmm?" came from a honey-like voice. And from the moment, I just knew that I was deep in love.

I confessed to her like six or seven months after we met, and surprisingly she had the same feelings for me. I was overjoyed and excited—after all, she is my first love.

Pretty much to say, we had more-than-a-healthy-more-than-a-healthy-number of fights over the 3 months we were together for. All my friends had already advised me to leave her, but I just could not let go. Until one day, we broke out into a huge argument. On that day I remember the date of our anniversary?"

"Well, all you were to me was a piece of shit, so give me a reason to even bothering to know that we have an anniversary."

That broke my heart. That is when I got my depression.

My behaviour was easily suicidal. I was crying almost all day, I stopped eating, coming out of my room, and just simply let myself get wasted. My dad kind of never knew what was wrong with me, I had mastered the poker face when I was 8.

My mom had once grounded me for something related to another friend of mine. She quoted, "I never wanted something like you in the first place."

Ouch. That hurt. The scar still rests on my wrist to this day.

After staying holed up in my room, literally being borderline dead, she decides to show up and asked, "What's wrong?" Like hell, nothing's wrong Margaret! Your daughter totally hasn't gone insane, she is completely okay! And your words never affected her!

End of flashback.

"You're not wrong about that", she said. "Had it not been for Haneul or Areum, would we ever meet each other or end up like this?" Her voice was gentle, her hair lightly flowing with the wind. We were sat on the roof of my apartment building, from where we could look at the entire city beneath us. The sun was setting down slowly, and birds were returning back to their respective homes.

She closed her eyes momentarily, and then turned around to look at me. I stared back, not saying anything. We both knew the answer for that- we wouldn't even know of each other's existence.

Strange things people do to your life, don't they?

I remember that I was 19 then, and Chaewon was just 18. We both had a similar past, only that I just stopped pondering on my health and she didn't. I hid but she expressed.

We met when we were in 5th grade. Not to go in deep details, but we both were, well, not really on the best of terms. Not when we had a Park Seyeon in our lives. To say the least, Seyeon tried her best to separate me and Chaewon, but she failed. Failed we decided to get together officially in the beginning of 7th grade. We were together ever since, and I still remember, the way she made me felt. She made me feel loved, finally.

She opposed Areum. Areum was narcissistic in a toxic way. Chaewon loved selected people around her, but that didn't mean that she hated herself. She was equal to everyone, which was one the main reasons why I chose her.

Gracious, I sound so whipped. Oh well, maybe I was.

Because nothing lasts forever now¸ does it?

.•••

I need to explain a whole lotta things over here...well, this book is originally called "the moon to my star", written by me myself but using a different account. You can search for "seowtfhyun" and then check out the original version of this book but mind you, it's not finished because well...I lost my account email :D yeah so right now, I'll update that book in this account under the name of "icfb [i can't fucking breathe]". Please support me if you liked this book by voting, commenting and sharing. Thx for checking this out pookie, love you<3

-L