𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝘿𝙀𝙑𝙄𝙇'𝙎 𝘿𝙀𝘼𝙇 - 𝙔𝘼𝙉𝘿𝙀𝙍𝙀 𝘼𝙇𝘼𝙎𝙏𝙊𝙍 𝙓 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙀𝙍

12.

━━━

"I-It's fine, just," 

"No, Y/N, it's not..! let me, just,"

Charlie's hands grow intrusive over my figure, attempting to blot my blood-dried cheek with disinfectant as I excessively wave my hands from hers in protest. 

The night which followed from my last performance under Valentino's grasp has completely destroyed me. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I don't want to think, nor feel.

my bedroom's walls close me in as Charlie's figure stands within it, inside my space, my air, and I am more than happy to allow that. At least she knocked before she came inside. I hate to be like this - distant. It's utterly terrible to lock myself away, isolating myself and keeping my feelings close to me. I am too afraid to let anybody in, emotionally. Especially now.

I cannot hide Valentino's marks. 

No amount of product can cease the sight of such manhandling.

I feel disgusting, violated, repulsive,

used. 

Deep, patchy droplets of sprawled blue and purple hues align across the sensitive skin of my neck, tender and pulsing with fiery pain. A deep slit lines across my cheek diagonally, though the blood has ended, the swelling has only just begun. My body aches and my lungs have barely healed from the lack of oxygen in which Valentino forcibly stripped me of, my mind circling in the torturous physical painting of his touch. 

"Please, enough, Charlie...!" I plea, growing distant and defensive with a croak of emotion attempting to ooze from my bottled, fragile instability. 

Charlie immediately retracts her hands from my face, laying them by her side as her gaze fixes with genuine worry. I feel guilty. I feel horrible. I never want to push a friend away, I am not one to reject a friend's healing offer. Though I cannot bear to feel someone else's touch right now. 

I can't handle the thought, feeling, such a physical connection, never mind how friendly it could possibly be. I just want my body left alone. I'm sorry, Charlie. 

And as she lets her lungs seep the air out gently, a sense of guilt grazes against my thoughts.

"I-I understand, I shouldn't have been so... forward," Charlie's compassionate, apologetic words only puncture my heart deeper and deeper. I would never wish to hurt her with my own feelings. I would never wish any such ill upon her. Yet she, among all of my friends within these walls should truly understand how deeply I've been affected. 

I just need time.

"No, no, Charlie, it's okay... I'm just..." 

She understands me. 

In her eyes, such a spark not just anyone can truly possess down within this realm of hatred and depravity. Care. 

She truly does care. 

"You don't need to justify anything Y/N, I understand...! Everyone, understands." She insinuates warmly, the freshly printed and hung photograph of the Hazbin Hotel occupants warmly hung over my wall.

And as my gaze fixes on the framed sight, a glazing heat of care washes over me. These are good people. Good people who have taken me in and taken care of me, even when I have been at my lowest. 

Because even with their flaws, cons and issues, I can remember their shared worries when they had first taken in the sight, my damaged, battered figure.

My thoughts shift and reminisce to the night earlier, when I had just arrived back at the Hotel...

━