Million Dollar Devil

18.

My hands search for the pressed powder among the mountain of makeup sitting on my bathroom counter. Sleek black liner lines my eyes creating a cat eye effect. Silky curls cascade perfectly down my back, the result of an hour of hard work. Music blares from my room, where my dress hangs elegantly in the corner, just waiting to be worn. I feel like a teenager getting ready for a homecoming dance, giddy with excitement. 

I fall deep into champagne daydreams as I mindlessly blot my face with the a brush, occasionally singing along to the music. I pause for a moment as I ponder the idea of red lipstick, is that too much? "Fuck it," I mutter under my breath before grabbing the brightest shade out of my makeup bag and smearing it across pouted my lips. I lightly rub my lips together, blending the deep color. 

I dance out of the bathroom, swaying my hips to the music and twirling my hands in the air. Spinning round and round, my smile widens with every beat. I glide across the hardwood floor, shamelessly singing at the top of my lungs. My shoulders sway with the rhythm as I move towards my dress. I slowly remove it from the hanger, my fingers glide over the soft fabric. Slipping my legs inside, I pull it over my waist and up my body. I run my hands over my hips, feeling the way the fabric hugs my curves in all the right places. My foot gently slips into my sparkling stiletto, I feel like Cinderella stepping into her glass slipper. I stand up, my legs instantly elongated and my posture taller. I stare at myself in the mirror confidently, my teeth sink into my bottom lip as I take myself in from head to toe. I imagine Mr. Hayes seeing me in this dress, a warm shiver of excitement travels quickly down my spine, leaving a lingering feeling of eager anticipation. 

I snap a picture before sending it to Dominique with a winky face. She responds almost instantly with close to ten lines of heart eye emojis. I throw my head back and laugh before stuffing my phone into my black satin clutch along with some lipstick and powder. i snag my keys off the counter and saunter out the front door. 

Almost as soon as I pull out my phone for directions, I feel it buzz in my hands. Taylor's name flashes on the screen. I debate answering, knowing she is probably just asking for me to take her shift at Lilac's as she always does. I roll my eyes before sliding my finger across the screen. 

"Hello," I ask briskly.

"Hey girl," Taylors high pitched voice sounds through the speaker, "I'm just calling cause Dominique's daughter is sick and she asked me to cover her shift tonight but I can't."

I let out a soft sigh as Taylor continues, "She told me not to ask you but no one else will cover, so I thought I'd just try." 

My heart sinks in my chest. I remember her telling me that if she missed another shift she would likely get fired. I feel an annoying throb in my head, I rub my temples gently. Taking a deep breath as a response leaves my mouth automatically, "Okay, what time," my voice comes out more strained then I expected. Disappointment washes over me like a wave of water slowly moving from the top of my head to the bottoms of my feet. Every inch of me soaked with defeat. 

"In like an hour," Taylors voice trails off, I hear music blaring from the background. I roll my eyes knowing full well she is just likely out partying. 

"Okay," I sigh, "Just don't tell Dominque that it's me who is covering." I know she would never let me take this shift. She's selfless and now it's my turn to be the same. Every part of me knows that she wouldn't think twice if she were in my shoes. 

"Yeah, okay," Taylor says before abruptly hanging up. I shake my head in annoyance before walking back up the stairs and unlocking the door to my apartment. I remove my stilettos, placing them by the front door. It's just a stupid party, pull it together.  I give myself a mental slap on the wrist for my own immaturity and sulking. It's just a party, it doesn't fucking matter. I desperately try to convince myself as I shake my head incessantly. The straps slip down my shoulders as the fabric of my dress falls to my ankles, leaving me almost naked. I stand there looking in the mirror, a single tear falls down my cheek as I see Rose not Lilly. I see the scantly clothed women I thought I could hide away for the night..but here she is again. I get that pit in my stomach, the one I feel in moments when I have to wipe every bit of Lilly away to get through the night. 

I throw on shorts and a sweater before grabbing a strappy set and a pair of heels out of my closet. The door slams behind me as I leave the apartment, my arms hugging my body. 

Jack stands by the door, the neon lights flashing above his head. The bass of the music reverberates through my body as I get out of the car and walk towards him.

"What a nice surprise, didn't think you were on tonight," he smiles politely. 

"Just covering for someone," I try my best to mirror his smile, but my voice comes out like a halfhearted whisper and I can't get the corners of  my lips to turn upward. My soul feels as though it leaves my body as walk through the door he holds open for me and enter into the club. My vision turns hazy as I walk through a thick layer of cigarette smoke and move towards the back dressing. A few months ago I might've broken out into a coughing fit, but now I'm used to it. 

I slip off my clothes, placing them in the locker marked with my name. I don't feel like Cinderella as I slip on my heels the way I had an hour ago. Numb. I feel so numb. Forget about the champagne, my mouth would be dry tonight. Forget about the orchestra, my ears will be deafened with raunchy pop. Forget about feeling beautiful, tonight I'm just an object. Forget about Lilly, tonight there's only be Rose.