I'm Always Here Darling

Chapter One

James

Ever since he saw him on the train in 2nd year James knew Regulus was special, he always noticed his best friends brother. Whenever Regulus walked into the room he would stop and stare, but he didn't like Reg, no he couldn't. Especially since Sirius had ran away from his home, and hadn't exactly ended things on the best terms with his brother. So James being in love with Regulus would just anger Sirius, James knew he didn't understand that you can't chose who you love no matter how hard you try, and that he would just take it as a form of betrayal from James.

When they got on the train for their 6th year James could tell there was an unspoken rule between the Marauders that they were to ignore Sirius' brother. But how could he when Regulus was looking like THAT! James knew better than most that the younger Black was attractive, but he wasn't expecting him to be that attractive.

Regulus' hair had grown out to where his dark curls wrapped around his sharp jawline. His milky pale skin contrasting against his hair perfectly, cheekbones that could easily cut glass that had surely not been there just months prior, impossibly beautiful gray eyes with flecks of blue and green which can be seen only in the sunlight. He had grown a little but was still significantly shorter than James. His slender pale fingers with a silver ring on each, James couldn't help but imagine how it would feel to just hold Regulus' hand in his.

He was pulled from his thoughts by a hand waving in front of him.

"Earth to James" Sirius joked.

"Oh, uhh yeah?"

"You alright mate? You're acting like you just saw a ghost"

"He probably just saw Evans and is already planning how to get rejected again" Remus said with a knowing smirk.

I was stunned from up the way he seems to always know everything, but eventually said "Umm yeah, yeah she's stunning as always"

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Regulus

"Regulus get your head out of your book and actually live"

"Barty I can do whatever the hell I want" I said barely looking up from my book.

That may seem rude of me but sometimes I don't want to be in real life and perfer fantasy. Especially when life sucks, everything in the word is fucked up, and the only stability in my life ran away and won't even look at me.

Okay I may have gotten a little carried away there, but still things are horrible right now and I'd rather be anywhere than in the Great Hall. It's beautiful, the ceiling is charmed to look like the night sky, darkness speckled with bits of light, shimmering pieces of hope in darkness. I'm also at Hogwarts where I have actual freedom to be who I am, which would be great if everything in this whole damn school didn't remind me of him. Him being my older brother, Sirius, the person who made me feel safe, who protected me from them. But now it was over, during the summer he ran away from our parents abuse to his best friends James' house who welcomed him with open arms. The man who I've always hated. Ever since Sirius has met him it's been "James this, James that" which I would be, should be happy he's found a new brother. One who can actually protect him, who can save him, the one thing I could never do.

Ever since I first got sorted he's acted like I don't exist, I guess he expected me to be a "disgrace to the family" like him. Although I don't actually believe all the bullshit our parents teach us, I am scared, and Without Sirius I have nothing to be brave for, nothing to look forward to, no reason to be happy, to look foreward to the future. So I hide from it, ever since he left I have barely looked up from the pages, I no longer care about reality, there's no reason to, why would I when fiction can give me a glimmer of hope and reality makes me want to die.