It's two in the morning and I'm wide awake. I can't stop thinking about the letter. Who the hell is C.G.? How does he/she know my dad? How did I never know that my dad was a freaking spy? Questions with no answers keep circling through my mind, driving me insane little bit by little bit. The only one that can be answered now is the hardest to: will I leave my family? More importantly, can I leave them? Reaper wouldn't make it very far without his enormous amounts of food and Mom...she needs me. But this is your chance to figure out who your dad is, a nagging voice whispers, you don't want to lose that, do you? Reaper shifts in his sleep, mewling softly. But they need me.
"Hey, Bud," I murmur, "you need me, right? You need me to stay?"
Give him to the neighbors, little Karen seems to like him.
"What about Mom? She has cancer, what if she has to go to the hospital?"
You've saved up enough money to fund your trip and keep her taken care of. Hire a nurse.
"She's all ready been abandoned once, I can't put her through that again."
You can find out why she was abandoned. You can give her all she's ever wanted.
I push myself out of bed, knocking Reaper in the process. He doesn't budge. I need to move, to think. I keep coming up with reasons not leave but my conscience keeps offering answers to every one of them. I can't just up and leave. It'll take time. Time and effort and money.
I rise slowly and shuffle my way across the creaking floorboards to the doorframe. I lean against it for a moment, staring into my mother's room across the hall. She's laying on her side, facing away from me. Fuzzy tidbits of memory flash before my eyes. A pair of ladybug rain boots hitting a puddle, right along side a larger red and blue pair. Fireworks flashing across the sky; Mom smiling, leaning into Dad. My reflection in a salon mirror, both of them beaming behind me. She was so happy back then. So full of life. She really, truly loved him and he...well, he left.
I turn down the hallway and creep into the kitchen. It's deathly quiet, deep shadows covering most of the tiny space in darkness. I continue on out through the kitchen door and down the steps. The pavement is warm against my bare feet, still having retained some of the sun's heat from yesterday. I slowly lower myself down onto the top step and sigh, gazing over the chainlink fence over into our neighbor's yard. Minky, her gray tabby, is sitting on the windowsill directly across from me, staring. She's a beautiful little thing with large yellow eyes and sleek gray fur. Reaper has always had a bit of a fascination with her. I can definitely see why.
"Hey, Minky," I smile warmly, "what do you think? Would Reaper and Mom be able to survive without me?"
She continues to stare, unblinking.
You know the answer to that already, the voice informs me, you're just to scared to leave.
"I'm not scared!" I shriek, pushing my fingers into my mass of hair, "I'm not!"
I sit still for a moment, my head against my knees, shivering. I'm not scared to leave. I'm not. I sit up to find that Minky has gone, startled by my outburst.
If you're not scared, then go.
"Alright," I whisper to no one in particular, "I'm going."
