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27 FEBRUARY 2024,
04:45 AM.
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my class got shouting from my sarf apa, apa sabeeha on last week friday (the 23rd i think?). honestly, i'm thrown off. that was the first time that that apa shouted us. usually apa is strict but somewhat chilled ??? but at that specific moment in time, to me apa felt condescending.
last year, apa was so warm and welcoming towards the former first years but now apparently apa hates this year's first years aka my class ? i don't know what's going on with that apa but i make duaa she becomes more soft towards us.
plus i came home and got shouting from my father for not being "responsible" enough. this is me trying. i'm trying to make everyone proud and all the pressure of being perfect and amazing at everything plus having the weight of the world (meaning that since i'm doing aalimah, i have the responsibility of spreading deen to the four and far corners of the world), it's not easy. i'm trying man, i really am.
god, it's so difficult. at first i thought first year would be somewhat chilled and fun but now that i've gotten a sense of what's first year like, i want to run away.
the endless amount of hours studying, early mornings, late nights, pouring immense amount of effort, blood, sweat and tears into this so far is draining.
i didn't do well in a test in the beginning, so i started studying. from sleeping to no less than 8 hours a night to getting hardly any sleep, it's a miracle if i get 2 hours.
there's more to this but i have to get done for fajr at the moment, so i'll probably explain it later on in the day!
YOU ARE READING
TEARS OF GOLD ⋆ misc book.
Random･ ｡ﾟ⭒ 𝗜𝗡 𝗪𝗛𝗜𝗖𝗛 🐍 , bucky keeps a book of random stuff .ᐟ
