R A N T ♚ B O O K

Angsty Roleplay 101

A'right kiddos, I'ma school you all on a very interesting section of roleplay-one that I find myself to enjoy very much.

Angst. 

Also known as the "feels-stopper", "heartbreaker", "tearjerker", etc. etc. 

Angsty roleplay...it's one of the best roleplays I've ever seen in my life. I love me some good angst.  I've roleplayed a lot of angst, back in my day. However, I don't see it as much anymore, and it gets me a little sad. I mean, I know that aspect of roleplay is not for everyone, but I'd just like to find one person that would love to do an angsty/feels roleplay with me someday. However, like anything, they must usually have a plot, and the actual angst factor must coexist with the plot, in a sense. 

For those of you who have no idea what it looks like, I'll give you an example. This is a few snippets I saved from a previous roleplay, on a different site. A bit of backstory, though. The setting's WW2, and Character A (Me), has just been caught in an explosion by a grenade, and got caught in the rubble. Character B(A friend), is the other's lover, and find Character A, but is too distraught to pull them out. Now...Read it and weep. (Oh, it was also a PruHun. Just an FYI.)

"....The Hungarian gave a weak gasp as a sudden blur surrounded her vision. Hearing a faint shout, she lifted her head slowly, as her senses jumbled together. She couldn't even concentrate. ​Who...Who was that, again?​ she tried to sift through her mind for the answer, but it was like walking through a muddy pond, and we all know how difficult that could be. A small, pained wheeze escaped Liz as she finally remembered who it was, but by then, she was already being cradled by the man, at least what he could hold of her body. Darkened green eyes shifted up towards the Prussian, as she reached up to touch his cheek gingerly. "Sorry.." She apologized. "..Couldn't stay away...and leave you guys behind.." Another wince, as a piece of rubble began to impale her side. "B-But..You need to go..Allies are winning..."

It was with wide eyes and a heart heavy as ten tanks, that Gilbert listened to her words, slowly shaking his head, entire body trembling with alarm and distraught disbelief. Her voice sounded so delicate and fragile, and yet so determined, beautifully brave, tragically selfless. The heart of a hero. Yet such admirable attitudes and actions weren't anything to the Prussian if he couldn't have Elizabeta with him. He didn't know what life without her was anymore. It certainly wasn't life, that was certain. Without her, the world was to him as it was to anyone who had no purpose: dull, bland and nothing more than a labyrinth of suffering. "Don't say that..." He begged her, keeping her body close to his own, kneeling over her and trying to make his own warmth spread into hers, which was growing ever colder by the minute, her skin icy to touch. "Don't tell me to leave you again, like I did before... I won't, I'll stay with you through it. I'm sorry Liz... So so sorry that I've let you down. I regret the moments where I was anything but the best." His tone was low, and thick, the lump formed in his throat blocking all of the noise, so only part of it came out. "Allies winning is my last priority. Please... Don't leave me, please, I need you to stay I can't- I can't live without you! You're my other half and without you I'm nothing more than an empty shell of a person!"

The female soldier looked up at the saddened Prussian, a sorrowful, yet understanding smile planted on her face. She probably would've cried, too, but...Well, that wasn't very manly, now was it. She placed her colder, quickly paling hand on top of his, as a faint chuckle rattled out the girl. "Don't...Please, don't get all mushy with me now...You've never let me down, idiot...What moments are you...thinking of?" She spoke. "You've been the best...and maybe even more so...But, Gilbert...we're still in the war...we're still fighting. You're a ​Beilschmidt​...You can endure anything. I..I know you can." Her voice was cut off by another wheeze, as tears trickled from her eyes. "T-This is war..People die...I just...I-I..I didn't think I'd be one of them, though." She shuddered. "But you can't..you ​can't​ be one of them..You have to live, a-at least for me. Please." A streak of blood trickled from her head, and one of her grassy green eyes closed as it flowed. "I..I-I...I should've listened to you earlier, s-shouldn't I?" She forced a weak chuckle through her lips....."

That was one of my finest, angstiest roleplays I've ever done. Hell, that's book worthy words, right there. If you read it, you could practically feel the character's emotions just dripping off the words, wrapping you into their world and just...Just making you imagine, and feel what they're feeling. However, this wasn't what brought me to tears...It was this other part. A bit of FYI to that, to- the "bees" reference and such, it was when Prussia got stung by a bee, and Hungary had to nibble the stinger out of his neck. It was a very cute scene.

'..I saved you, too...didn't I?" She murmured softly, glancing down before back up at him. ​Oh no..​ a murky thought bubbled to her head. Darkness nibbled on the edges of her vision slowly, but surely. Was this ​really​ how she was going to go out? Dead at eighteen, with so much going for her? It made her sad just to think about it. As she stared up at the man, she decided to say something, ask something of him. If this really was the end, she'd only ask for one more thing before she left. "H-Hey...Could you bend down a bit? You're a little...too tall for me to reach.." She asked quietly, as her mind briefly brought up the memory of the bees. But, it brought more memories as well. More than just bees. It was more than that. There were memories of laughter, and jokes, and teasing, and affection, and..and ​love​. Most of all, there was ​love​. 

 Like an unspoken language, Gilbert could already tell what his lover was asking of him. "You did save me. No- you have saved me," He said, not wanting to use past tense. She was here, breathing and alive, right? Just barely. But she was here, he couldn't talk like she was dead! It was as if he was giving up on the sweet Hungarian, something he'd never do, never. She'd proved him to be wrong so many times, so many many times that he couldn't bring himself to doubt the girl. Not at all, anything he thought, she'd prove not to be true. Kneeling down, he connected his lips with her stone cold ones, moving his own against them softly. It wasn't anything like the other kisses they'd shared, and if this was there last, he wasn't satisfied. This ending wasn't right....'

That's what made me cry right there. The kiss. The fucking kiss. It's just...That kiss was just so meaningful, because it was the last one they had. (Not really, but that's a story for another time.)

I love roleplays like this, ones that pull at your heartstrings. However, I'm a bitch for this, and I apologize- my friends have a nickname for me, "The Feels Queen." And there's a good reason.

Whenever your feels get crushed, it's usually because I did it. I kinda control them. #Sorrynotsorry . 

But, the reason I love rps like this so much is because, in a sense, I kinda like to cry from things like this. It's weird, I know, but it's true. I'm sure I'm not the only one that like's angsty roleplays, right? Right?