I Am Not Broken, I Am Chipped

Seth

You probably think that what you did couldn't be as bad as I am making it. That I am simply being a dramatic girl like everyone else just looking for attention. You are lucky to have such ignorance. You are lucky to not have to constantly think about the kind of world we live in every second. Let me ask you something. Do you immediately lock your car door the second you get in? Check your backseats immediately after that? Look around the neighborhood for people while walking to your car at night? Have to think about what you will wear out in public as that will be someone's definition of consent? I bet you answered no to every one of them. I am envious of that. You do not live with the burden of fear just being you in society. Now remember that while I explain how you stained me.

I was a junior in highschool, just like you. We had been friends off and on since seventh grade. Mainly because your girlfriend at the time hated me and anytime you guys were on, we were off. Not even that I did anything or that we did anything. She was insecure of our friendship and saw me as a threat. I respected you two's relationship and backed off being your friend even when I felt it was unfair. Anytime you guys broke up, who did you hit up to hang out. Me. Until the one time you guys were still together. Me and her had a class together and they told us to pair up for a project. She walked up to me and asked to partner up. I was too shocked that she had talked to me let alone asked to pair up. I just said yes. Being naive, I just thought she was over the idea of being insecure and wanted to give me a chance. Throughout that class period we got along very well; made jokes, laughed, found things in common, typical teenage girl things. She gave me her number. At that moment I don;t know why I was so excited, almost like I had gotten a cute boy's number.

I texted you immediately, even after we had been without contact for a little while. Told you about what your girlfriend had done in class and how we got along. Even you were confused but came to the same conclusion I did. I was excited to be your friend again, and now hers. We ended up partnering up alot since that day. We had a lot of classes together so it made it easy. We had one project that was an out of class project. That is when we made plans for me to spend the night at your house and work on the project. I don't fully remember what it was, I just remember being so excited to have a new friend and couldn't wait to spend the night at your house.

Everything was normal. The normal tour of the house, meet the family, show and tell of cool things in her room. It was fun. We bonded over liking G-Eazy. Obviously we talked about you and how me and you met through a mutual friend in choir class. Rest assured I made it clear nothing had ever happened between us nor would it. I told stories of stupid and funny things you had done, and she did the same. That is when she shared how her dad felt about you, and we had to be quite about you around her dad because he didn't approve. Not even that he didn't approve of you, he didn't approve of her dating anyone. Her dad was weird in a way I couldn't pinpoint. She had told me stories of him breaking her things, burning the stuff you had bought her, taking her money she had saved in a jar with dreams of moving out as soon as she could. He was abusive. Not in a physical way, just in a mental and emotional way. I always felt bad for her because of that.

We didn't stop being friends then. We still hung out outside of school assignments. Created inside jokes such as her contact being an apple because her last name looked like it said apple. Obviously we know what mine was given my last name. It was nice being friends with both ends of the relationship until it wasn't. There would be times you two would be fighting and I would hear about both sides and play mediator in your relationship. Normally it worked, and if it didn't you both would just tell me to stay out and work it out yourselves.

There was a time while we were friends that you two broke up. You both had said you hated the other and never wanted to speak again. You guys understood I was still friends with the other and didn't make it weird. Until she quit talking to me over the summer, and I left it at that. I was not going to beg someone to be my friend if they did not want to be. During that time period, you had hit on me and asked me on a date. I was still not over this guy I was talking to, and declined. Said we shouldn't risk friendship for that. Everything was fine. You sent me a text one day and said "make sure I don't go back to her". I remember screenshotting it in case the time came. Well that time came eventually.