He's in love

alive

Hey everyone.....
so Its been quiet some time since I've posted, but I've been writing. I just don't know If I'm satisfied with what I've done.
im going to rant a bit here so If you are just going to judge or If you don't care stop reading.
this last two months have been brutally hard on me. beyond belief, and well Its hit me pretty hard to the point I've wanted to escape this place. I don't know who I've become, or what happened. I don't even know how to fix this, but I'll explain a bit more first.
so about two months ago I was dating this guy, and he honestly made me extremely happy. even tho the relationship wasn't the easiest. I had dropped everything so I had 110% commitment into it, I dropped club volleyball, running club. even some shifts at work, just to make sure that the relationship wouldn't end. I relied on that relationship probably more then I should have. so our school had a travel club thing coming up and they were going to Costa Rica, and he was going, but i wasn't so i was upset I couldn't see him for two weeks or talk to him much. but the day before he left I went to his house and helped him unpack...... as he kept trying to pack. I honestly didn't want him to leave, that day he told me he loved me. I was shocked I had mixed emotions I did feel the same way back but I was still upset he was leaving. Its all I could do not to cry. anyways hardly got to talk to him. after he came back from that him and I kinda started drifting and he kept coming up with more excuses why he couldn't come over or he was busy. and it put me in a lot of depression. to the point when I was at home all I did was lay in bed in a pitch black room listening to music. couldn't eat or sleep had no energy. nothing. him and I broke up and I cried for 3 days. I never cry over guys. it's rare af that I do. and for 3 fricken days?.. couple days after I found out this girl who is know to show off her body was sending him nudes and was trying to date him since he got back from the trip. i tried not to be bothered by it as much. but I couldn't. people started getting in my head. started getting bullied about it. so I went in worse depression and I now then got anger management problems. I tried fighting all of it. I didn't want drama and didn't want to fuck more up with me and him. I after found out she asked him out. and he said no. but he texted me flipping out because I was dating this guy. I only dated this guy to get him mad ans try to get him jealous. and to try and move on. and he said I fucked up cuz he still cared. so that basically broke me. i don't give a rats ass anymore because he was a big part of me. even tho it wasn't that long. he was a huge impact on my life and I fucked it up. I lost my best friend. and then tried to fix it. and lost him and fixed it. even tho we are trying to fix it. he's mad I fucked uo with my boyfriend and did stupid shit about it bugged me always hearing it. but he made me lose my emotions. lost my trust. confidence. a lot. because of that fuck hole. I don't understand why I'm so caught up over him. he treated me like shit and I gave him the world. I stood up for him through thick and thin and he cheats on me with the slut of buck mountain. now it seems very little thing even If Its a tad bit rude I get extremely hurt over and go into huge anxiety. I've lost myself. I want to be who I was before him. happy. there. fun story. tbh I shut a lot of people out. Its eaiser for me to say bye when there's not a lot to hold on to.

so there's that piece of shit..... but I've decided I'm probably stopping this story. but I've started one basically on what I told you kinda. but It's called kissing scars. Its about one who fights her way in and out of depression to find out her love Is one she's had by her side the entire time. but yeah. thanks If there's honestly anyone who read this. I love you and thanks.

hmu tho If you wanna talk.
snap chat - cheyennekali
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email- cheyennekali1999@hotmail.com

xx - chey