Those who are hiding

Freaker

It's been a month since Kaan came out to Zahid and his fiancee. Things were going well, better than Kaan expected. With Sevinj's suggestion and Tahir's kindness they met up again and spent quite a time together. Both Zahid and Tahir were catchy for conversations and they discussed almost everything till the last detail during that night, without leaving the restaurant. Kaan kinda enjoyed it, he adored how Tahir could convince people of the idea only because he believed it was true. Zahid was materialistic, he rejected all kinds of stuff Tahir was doing and it made conversations keep going. It almost felt like everything is perfect, which made Kaan nervous. Lots of scenarios has been reviewed and most of them had great chance of possiblity. But overthinking could never help anyone, so Kaan kept pretending it all was okay.
It was a nice Wednesday afternoon when Tahir called and invited him for a walk. As spring began, Tahir often made that. He always said "The best way to relieve stress and let your spirit breeze is walking". Kaan was totally okay with that except past memories never let him breeze at all. He was damaged as fuck and all these scars been covering with lots of stuff. Because of that he considered leaving the country as most of his friends did, but he just couldn't do that, also going into struggles while some freaks are living here effortlessly, made him stay.
Today's walking session started from Nizami street and somehow ended in a mountain park. Going uphill all the way made them breathless. So Kaan threw himself to the first bench he found there.
- You're getting older - Tahir said ironically, standing in front of him
- Shut up, you're older than me.
- Age is the just number - Tahir laughed but Kaan felt something in his voice.
- Are you okay?
- Why should not?
- You seem stressed.
Tahir tried to not make eye contact., which made Kaan understand that he wants to tell something.
- Hey, what's happening?
There was silence for a few seconds. Tahir kept looking to stones on the ground, then bench, fence, then again stones. Kaan analyzed his behaviour and tried to get it. But brain was not braining. In the silence he heard a group of guys chatting, laughing nearby. They were in left side of Kaan. Tahir finally broke silence:
- So...you see these...guys.
He knew where Kaan has been staring so did not move his head at all, just moved to his right side slightly.
- Yeah, so what? You afraid?
- No, of course not.
His body language said the opposite.
- God, you serious? - Kaan got up and standed in front of him.
- It's a long story and I'll tell you later okay? - he finally looked into Kaan's eyes.
- Okay, but what's the problem now?
- You see the guy with blue jeans?
- They all have blue jeans.
- The one with black shirt with red lines.
- And?
- He was my classmate.
Kaan was pretty disappointed. He looked that guy, just a typical "qaqash". Long hair that covers whole face, skinny blue jeans, worn out jacket, speech with Russian jargons that even Russians don't understand. Group of people without future. Funny part is that they always act straight, say homophobic phrases, but in reality most of them are bisexual at least. Over the years Kaan and his friends experienced that type of bottom guys, which Kaan always said they were bottoms.
But Tahir's behaviour wasn't because of seeing his classmate, Kaan had worse ones but never acted like that.
- Are you serious?
- Yeah, but let's go, I'll tell you later.
- We had to go just before it started, c'mon.
They left the park, turned roundabout and kept going on Parliament avenue. Kaan knew that they have at least half hour  walking awaiting, so after a minute or two he asked calmly:
- So who was that qaqash?
- He's no one, really.
Kaan already guessed they had some kind of affairs and he had to know. So he kept his silence. A few minutes later Tahir couldn't resist Kaan's silence and started explaining:
- Okay, fine, I'm telling everything. But please don't judge me.
- Okay - Kaan smiled and lightly grabbed his arm.
- Well, he was my classmate at 8th grade. It was two years that I've been discovering myself. Somewhat left the closet, started interacting with guys nearby me in sexual ways. It was way before my first time. So one day I got an idea sparkled in my head like "What's his dick looks like?". Thought about many scenarios, then a week later got closer with him, made a lie that I had a weird dream, some bullshit then saw his dick. We both laughed, but I kept going on, with more descriptions about it. And he kept comparing too. Then I said "Why don't we show it up?" Firstly, he laughed, taking it as a joke. Then asked me if I'll do the same. It was okay for me. The next day before lessons started, we both went to toilet and opened up, showed.
Tahir paused for a moment, looked at Kaan, like waited for his approval.
- Go on, I'll comment later - Kaan said with all efforts trying to keep his laughter.
- Then I touched his dick, he also touched mine. It was the first interaction with a guy for me. The first dick.
Kaan couldn't keep his laugh anymore and laughed hard enough girls on the opposite side of the street got attention.
Tahir also laughed but his face became red too.
- I'm so sorry but I had almost same.
- The what?
- Same scenario, same behaviour. But I didn't touch it. Please go on, I want to know after.
- Well, after isn't that much. We kinda had a handjob for few seconds, then he said "okay, enough" then closed it up. We didn't have much time either. After that he didn't say anything, I felt that all of his friends knew. I never asked, they never admitted. It's just a feeling. Then I grow up and thought about that. He had full potential of saying it, modifying part, lying of what we did there. And I just closed that shitty part of my life.
- And stressed that much?
- God knows how many people he told about me.
- It can't be more than people you've sent your pictures on Grindr.
- I never used Grindr.
- Just kidding my boy. Please act more calmly and leave the place before starting stressing out okay?
- Fine. - Tahir checked both sides of street then unexpectedly kissed Kaans neck.