HE TOLD ME I WAS HOLY

27.06.15

"After Linden shut down for its two-week-long inventory period, we're ready to get back into the swing of things. Don't miss the 9 AM start time or David just might pop that vein in his forehead."

The break room door falls shut behind me as I drop my bag on a chair and start rummaging through it for my punch card. "Puta madre," I whisper, tossing the contents of my bag all over the closest table. My white punch card peeks out from between a tampon package and a pack of Trident gum. I quickly snatch it and time stamp myself with only two minutes left on the clock.

I barely slept last night between my frustration with Silas over sending Livia to a church camp without asking for my permission and awful cramps that Midol couldn't even fix. I cuddled a hot water bottle to my abdomen for half the night and kept getting up to reheat it when it stopped working, and then the power went out. The room got so hot and stuffy I could barely breathe - which didn't help the situation at all - and the mosquitoes crept in through the window so I had to go hide in the shower with the cold water running and ice cubes stuck to my sweaty neck. I fucking hate having a uterus almost as much as I hate living in the Cactus Motel.

I grab my stuff in handfuls and toss it all back into my bag before leaving the break room. The office is dark and slow still, and only the most dedicated are doing anything productive yet. Silas isn't anywhere to be found so I drop my bag at my desk and boot up the ancient computer while I wait. I hear a beep coming from the opposite side of the cubicle wall so I push up onto my tiptoes to see which of the boys showed up. Dark, close cropped hair and a slouchy black tee. Chava. My heart lifts at the sight of him. I quietly skirt around the cluster of cubicles before slipping into the one he shares with Silas. He keeps clicking away at his computer, his back turned to me.

"See you're early," I say, plopping into Silas's chair and pulling my knees up to my chest, resting my chin on them. I'm wearing a dress but it's just Chava and I'm wearing boyshorts underneath anyway.

He slowly turns and looks at me for a long moment before taking a sip of his coffee. His under eyes look bruised and swollen from a lack of sleep. "Papá was home," he mutters into his cup.

That's new. "Really?" I raise an eyebrow, surprised. "But why? I mean, he's usually at work by this hour."

"Yeah, I know, but I don't know what bicho bit him that he said he wanted to have el desayuno con su hijo," he says. "Since you left he's been acting all loco."

Papá was always a little loco, but from what Chava's told me he's gotten worse over the years. Since the night I told him I was pregnant he turned into a completely different person than the man who raised me. "Just give him time, Chava," I murmur, sighing softly. A lock of hair flutters from my breath and I tuck it behind my ear. No more thinking of Papá. "Did you know Silas wants to take Livia to Bible Camp or algo asi?"

The expression on Chava's face would've made me laugh if I weren't so exasperated with the whole thing. "Silas doesn't even like church, why would he do that?"

"Apparently his mom wants Livia to go," I say, and just the thought of Livia makes my heart warm.

He shakes his head slowly. "Esa vieja blanca loca," he mutters.

I giggle, his words feeling like our little secret. Speaking Spanish with him feels akin to taking a cookie from the box when Papá wasn't looking, like I'm doing something I could be punished for but it's worth the risk. I glance up from Chava and take a deep breath as I scan the room. The others are slowly trickling in, some fumbling and half-asleep and others alarmingly alert. Caroll greets me brightly as she walks past, wishing me a fantastic day. God... I'm all for positivity in concept, but when executed all I want to do is commit assault.