My Dear Music

The Incel Man (18+)

Is it a crime not wanting to be lonely,
Missing something you don't know ?
I wake up everyday feeling empty,
I crave for the unknown.

My heart has stopped beating, my hands are getting cold.
My heart wants something that my body doesn't know. Was it why I was build for ? 

They tell me everything happens for a reason,
Then tell me why my fantasies won't go.
I do love love, but the devil won't stop torturing us,
Me and my porno.
Is it why I am being punished ?
Is it why you won't let me go ?

Everyday is the same thing,
Behind my screen I pretend they are real.

I watch them interact, their discussion makes me laugh but I skip it to my favorite part, the one where they are taking off each other's clothes, and I imagine what it feels like to be vulnerable. Soon, the action begins and the sweat won't leave my body, and, as it is more and more difficult to breathe, I slowly forget what I am watching. While everything around me feels hot, I find new sensations within me, my blood is boiling, my body and my mind are on fire. Then, everything becomes blurry. I can't hear anything but I can feel their screams; they are calling for me, and, for once, I don't feel so lonely. My heart beats faster and faster, and finally, the burn comes, takes everything from me, the world stops spinning for an long instant. And when the wave is gone, I am filled with remorse. I realize what have I done. I have blood on my hands because deep down I know they are faking it. I know it just a show,

But you don't give me any other choice.

Their torture is my greatest pleasure; that is the closest I have been to a soul.

I long for the day my loneliness will become a foolish memory, a teenage fantasy.
I want to experience that wonferful feeling,
That wonferful something that will make me desirable.

I must be part of the union between two loving souls.