Perhaps Love

Terminal Case Of The Ick

Almost every winter sport is about controlling the friction, between the equipment one uses and the ice or the snow. They require precision, determination and sometimes, improvisation. But for all the hard work it takes to win races or pull off acrobatic performances better than one's rivals, things do not always unfold as expected.

That is probably why he tends to turn his attention to faith, especially in crucial moments that defines his career. He has been trying to keep himself calm and quiet since this morning, praying that everything goes with his desires. 

"Joongi hyung," someone called him from his side. He looked over as he exhaled and did the sign of the cross. It was Siwon, happily skating towards his direction, "How's your condition?"

If he's being honest, he'd tell him how much he hated this day and can't wait to get it over with because he's dying of nervousness. But he's not like that. He has pride on the sport. He only said, "I'm good."

Siwon chuckled, "Hyung, I've known you for years. You might be my enemy today and I'm so scared of you, but c'mon... I know you got this."

The upcoming Winter Games are only months away, and all of the short track athletes have gathered for the final selection contest today. It's every athlete's dream to compete in the Olympic Games, but for Park Joongi, it's a milestone for his career as the oldest short track speed skater in the country. 

Joongi has competed thrice in the Winter Games and built a household name for his achievements. But at thirty-four years old, he's practically a fossil in the talent pool because the sport is often dominated by those in their early 20s. So he is nervous as heck. He was dying inside at the moment.

Also, there was an odd feeling within the rink today. He's been trying to put his finger on it but it just keeps bothering him. And as if on cue, someone was skating towards them and shaved on a stop in front of him.

"Joongi hyung!" Junho smiled widely. The younger asked, "Why do you look so nervous?"

"Asks the one who was fighting with Sora noona out of anxiety," Siwon bantered.

Joongi just smiled at his junior skaters. It's always nice to have them around, they make him feel like he's not 'too old' to do the sport just yet the way they treat him and joke with him. 

He wanted to talk to them a bit more before the coaching team arrived and ease his nerves, but the coaching team and the selection committee were already approaching to gather them around. As the eldest skater, he went through first and lead everyone to greet them.

As he was motioning to bow though, his eye caught a glance of a girl by the box. The national team selection contest would normally be empty. It's not that spectators aren't allowed, but it was an unspoken rule to not be there. Besides, the public can't really come randomly to the training center. 

So who is this girl? She might be someone's family among the skaters. But that's another weird idea. Any athlete knows that it's more nerve-wracking to know that anyone from your family is watching you. 

The selection committee was especially detailed at discussing the final instructions for the last selection contest. There will be the 500 meter, 1,000 meter, and the 1,500 meter races. 

Minutes later, they were given last fifteen minutes before the selection contest officially starts. He started to pay attention to himself, his helmet, his goggles, and his thighs. Just as when he was trying to find the junior skaters he was close with, he saw Siwon, Donggook, and Eunhyuk at one side of the rink behind Junho who was  talking to the girl he saw earlier.

He skated towards them just to wait for them so he can ask them something. That's when he heard Junho say, "I'm scared, but I'm more scared of not showing you how I play."

Then, the girl shook her head saying, "If you want to make it, you should go ahead and prep instead of boasting on me."

Who is she? 

"Do you want to bet on dinner? If I win and make it," Junho triggered.

"If it's a win, it's a win. If it's a loss, it's a loss," was all the girl said. 

That's when Joongi felt a small ick. He didn't get the words that came out of her, because she could've worded it better since it was a crucial time for her brother. Joongi thought the girl was going to aid what she said, but she just burned more fire saying, "No excuses, grind for it if you want it."

The guys snickered. Siwon was especially enjoying the exchange between the two, but Joongi was skeptical. He looked at the girl with a small hint of aggravation, and the girl's eyes landed on him as well.

Joongi shouldn't be affected at all, but he was uniquely bemused hearing the words from the girl.

In his more or less twenty-five years as an athlete, he paid particular attention to encouragement. He believed that positive emotions generally worked stronger in an opposite way to negative emotions. For him, while emotions like fear, anxiety, stress and anger narrow one's focus, inhibit concentration and decrease cognitive abilities, positive emotions can do the opposite. When one's feeling upbeat and happy, they it's more likely to have an inclusive focus than a self-centered outlook, and to perform better on cognitively demanding tasks.

He looked at Junho quickly, who was just smirking, then back at the girl who just stared at him. The others were just chuckling at Junho, but he stared back at her straight. He said, "Something you wanna say?"

Those words just spontaneously came out of him. He was not sure if he was annoyed, mad, or even saddened by her. It was a few more seconds when he realized that it was starting to get awkward because he doesn't even know her, yet the first time they spoke was booming with frustration. One thing however, he wasn't going to lose this staring contest.

The girl looked away and took her phone. He wanted to keep watching what she was going to do but he decided to skate away.

"Aye, hyung, you just shut her up! Thanks!"

Junho blithely told him. He then sneered at him, "I haven't met her and it's bad to say something about her but, your friend's freakish."

The younger laughed, "I know, right?"

"Are you okay with her like that?" he asked him.

"Yeah, I mean..." Junho started. He said, "I would like her to encourage me for once, but it's become normal for us like that."

It was all that Junho said, and he could be overreacting, but he hated how it's become 'normal' when it's not. He wanted to tell him something, but he wanted to think carefully about what he's going to say.

They started to push and accelerate, starting to go around the rink, warm up, and relieve tension. 

With a full look of the rink and the skaters, Joongi personally already had a team in mind and Junho belongs in it. Not only does Junho reminds him of his younger days when riding through the ice, but he was one of the nicest dongsaeng (younger sibling; either a younger male or female regardless of their biological association but close relation) because he saw him grow up in the sport. So, he's worried about him. How could a friend be so stringent on him?

He looked at Junho who was smiling and talking with Siwon and the others, but he knew that kid was fearful by the way he clamps his hands together. 

When one is stressed or scared, for instance, it's a struggle to think clearly, to coordinate well with others, to take in the situation and come up with strategies. The routines and plans are ruined because concentration is taken over by negative emotions.

Joongi wanted to stir Junho up and incite him, but he just let him go around and glide for now because the coaches talked to him every once in a while. 

With one last look at the girl, he scoffed and skated away.