They ask me why I do it. They say I'm too young to be doing it or it's the shit I watch.
My answer is to always shrug it off and say "I don't know." I look away in shame at the thoughts that fly through my head. The real answers on why. I usually leave the room and add some more to the collection of scars, but today I bursted. Like blood out my wrists.
"Y'know what Spencer. I do it because if I can't be dead then the next best option is to hurt myself. To leave scars on my body, to bleed the pain away. I do it because if I have to suffer in this world then I'll make the pain worse with self made pain. And I know I'm too fucking young to be doing this but just maybe, maybe if someone actually fucking listened to me and heard me out I wouldn't have to suffer with these scars, these thoughts. I should be able to breathe and walk this earth the same as you without wanting to break my neck with a rope. Wanting to take a gun to my head. Or even wanting to stab myself until I'm in a pool of blood. So it doesn't fucking matter of I'm too young because it's done and over with."
