Aadatein | An OS Collection

4- Kaise Jazbaat Ka Umda Sailab Hain [18+]

Title is taken from the song in lamhon ke daaman me from the movie Jodha Akbar.
When I began writing this, I had no clear direction where this was going. I just let this form as I penned the words. I am not really sure if what I have written aligns perfectly with their characterisation because this os is set a little after yuvaraj track and love realisation from both (because even though I love slow burn and the show will give it, I needed it like this to suit the os) and hence has few assumptions made. 

I have never written something like this before and I really tried my best. I hope you all like it. This is a long one ( 2550 words)

Mou Di, this is for you. Your words of encouragement have encouraged me to channelise everything that I have read😉

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"As if you were on fire from within. The moon lives in the lining of your skin"

- Pablo Neruda

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He stands forlorn, gazing at the moon and she stands by the door, gazing at him. There is a  fog cloud that seems to serenade him, entrance him with notes of melancholy and beguile him with the verses. His eyes the night sky with illuminating stars whenever there's a glint and spark of life in them, now are dark pools of conundrum and a plethora of emotions that he seems to be veiling with obscurity. His hands that once held her with surety, that have always  been her pillar of support and security, now falter with hesitance.

Her heart clenches, chest tightens and her hands fist. The storm engulfing him cannot be left astray any longer.  She does not know what went wrong but she cannot bear the flash of agony replacing affection in his eyes each time he holds her close.
Because they keep the embers of hope in her thudding, lovelorn heart alive.
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He's lost gazing at the moon, yearning for a way out. He loves her so much, he cannot possibly articulate in words how much! She's present in every beat of his heart, her essence imbibed in every pore of him. People give their hearts when they fall in love. He's given a part of his soul. But after failing to protect her so miserably from a predictable, not out of the ballpark of possibilities danger, does he really deserve her?

"No" the voice that has been haunting him since the past few weeks whispers. Dejection hits him as his eyes fill up but he holds them back.

That day, when he saw her bloody and bruised, dressed like the devil's bride as if she were Kore, helplessness evident on her ashen face, something within him had broken. Something visceral which hadn't healed even when he held her safe, sobbing, exhausted form while her fingers dug into his back with how firmly she held him. It had taken days for both of them to find some semblance of normality after the nightmares, panic attacks and much more.

It was ironic how he had realised he loved her then. The most beautiful realisation of life and he wasn't lucky to have a memory of it that wasn't associated with the worst day of his life.

A few days after was when this voice emerged within him, haunting him, trapping him as it threw the worst parts of him to his face. It called him unworthy, undeserving. It called out his efforts of compliance just so that his family would say they loved him. It called out his avarice for love while never being content with what he's received despite being so despicable. He has not been able to escape it, has not been able to muffle those ivy stained arrows that tear apart at him.