Origin

Chapter 23

An hour later, the hotel's duvet kicked off the mattress and their clothes thrown across the room, Jungkook kisses up Jimin's jaw, up into his hair. "I've missed you," he whispers.

"Yeah, you just made that abundantly clear."

He smirks. "Thank you for coming to another show."

Jimin yawns, scratching Jungkook's hair. "You make it pretty hard to say no when you offer to cover all the expenses and promise that it's about 50 degrees warmer in Texas than it is in Chicago."

"Wanna try that again?"

"I love nothing more than being here for you," he replies, rolling his eyes, pinching the back of Jungkook's neck. "So needy."

"Mhm," Jungkook agrees before he dips down to kiss Jimin. He lets it drag on long enough for Jimin to whimper, to slide his fingers into Jungkook's hair, to start growing restless, beneath Jungkook's weight. Jungkook bites at Jimin's bottom lip, loving the way he always arches into it, and when he breaks their contact, he buries his face into Jimin's neck. "Don't go home."

Jimin laughs, his voice strained. "I just got here, like, two hours ago. I don't leave for three days."

"Don't go home," he repeats.

"Fuck, I hate when you're not here."

"Okay, but soon you'll be doing a two-week leg in the Midwest. I can go to every show, and you can hang out with me in between."

He nods. "Yeah, that's true."

"And then you take on New England, a few shows in Florida, and you're done, right?"

"I think so."

Jimin squeezes Jungkook's shoulder. "Don't let me hold you back from wanting to tour."

"You're not, I promise."

"Okay, good."

Jungkook presses another kiss, below his ear. "Hey, can I show you something?"

"If it requires getting out of bed, no."

He laughs. "Please?"

"Mmm," Jimin groans. "Alright."

They sneak out the back entrance, aware of the cluster of fans standing outside the hotel's lobby, and when they're parked outside of the arena 21 minutes later, Jimin makes a face.

"Is this where you're performing tomorrow?"

"Yup, let's go in."

"Why?"

"Just come on."

Jungkook leads Jimin through the side entrance, and instead of going onto the stage, he directs him to the center of the arena, sitting down in a chair dead center. Jimin sits down beside him.

"What're we doing?"

Jungkook puts his feet up on the chair in front of him, and Jimin does the same. "The weirdest and best part of being on stage in front of a crowd this size is that it gets so loud, you can't even hear yourself think. You just go. The nerves go away almost immediately. As soon as the lights turn on, they're blinding and they're hot and there are thousands of people out there who like you. It's overwhelming. It's amazing."

Jimin smiles. "Sounds like it."

"But sometimes, most times, actually, I don't get the chance to really reflect how big this all is. I can't see the majority of the crowd when I'm up there, I can't sit there and experience how fortunate I feel. So." He looks around. "I do it now."

"You do this before every show?"

"I try to, yeah." He taps the armrest. "I feel small right now."

"Welcome to my life."

Jungkook laughs. "When you're on stage, it's a powerful feeling. And it's awesome. But I want to feel all of it. I want to sit on this side and remember what it looked like empty, what it sounded like when it was just you and me talking, no one else here. I just don't want to take any of it for granted."

"I can assure you, you definitely do not do that."

"One day, this will all be over, and I would be so angry at myself if I couldn't remember how big the stage looked, and how it somehow also felt very, very small." He scrunches up his face. "I'm doing a bad job at explaining this."

Jimin shakes his head. "No, you're not. Your mind is such a weird and interesting place and I love that I get to be a part of it."

He smiles, dropping his head to Jimin's shoulder. It's lower than he thought it was and he has to crane his neck but he doesn't dare move. "I love that I was able to trick you into thinking I'm interesting."

"Jury's still out, I'm just being generous," Jimin says.

"I figured."

They sit there for a while, Jimin asking more questions about how it feels to be on stage, how it feels to be off of it, and Jungkook answers eagerly, honestly. He tells Jimin how daunting it feels from his current spot in this seat, but daunting changes to sublime once he takes his place on stage.

"And you love every bit of it,"

Jimin says, looking at Jungkook, eyes darting across his face.Jungkook stares back, heart feeling like it's going to burst out of his chest. "Yes," he agrees, "I love every bit of it."

Before they leave, they climb up onto the stage, Jungkook showing Jimin the spots marked with tape where he'll be standing tomorrow night. Jimin nods along, eventually sitting on the edge, swinging his legs back and forth.

"You're crazy, Jeon, this stage does not feel small."

Jungkook laughs and sits down next to him. "I guess it takes some time getting used to."

"I guess." He traces his fingers along the stage, collecting dust. "Hey, do you think you can cover 'Perfect' by Ed Sheeran tomorrow night?"

He shrugs. "I could. Why?"

"First song I ever heard you sing live."

Jungkook tries to swallow the lump in his throat. "You want me to go back to our roots?"

Jimin nods, smiling. "I do."

"Then, yes. Absolutely."

The next night, he belts out the lyrics to his now favorite song, closing his eyes through more than half of it. He hasn't told Jimin he's in love with him yet - he's been waiting for the right moment, even though he's known it for months - but Jimin has to know.

There's no way he could have been present during that performance and think otherwise, not with the way Jungkook threw himself into it, the way he sang the final chorus completely a capella, just his voice cutting through the harsh stage lights and into the crowds before him.

"If you love me, don't let go," he sings, gripping the microphone stand like a lifeline. " Hold on to me, 'cause I'm a little unsteady."

His heart is beating all too quickly, forcing his eyes open, staring at what he can see of the audience. Inhale. "Mama come here. Approach, appear." Exhale.

" Cause this house don't feel like home. If you love me, don't let go. Hold on, hold on to me."

It hurts, it feels good, and when Jungkook finishes the last verse, he feels raw and exposed, relieved and happy, alive.

When he goes back stage before he starts his encore, Jimin is standing there with red cheeks, bright eyes, a smile so deep Jungkook can almost feel it, and he pulls Jungkook in for a hug that lasts way too long, not long enough. Jungkook breathes him in deep, kisses the top of his head, but as he starts to step away, needed back on stage, Jimin refuses to let go. He holds on tighter, just the slightest tremor in his movements.

No words are needed; Jimin loves him, too.