Your Faithless Love

My Only One

Armin stood on his own on the ambassador's office balcony. I had entered the office without permission, you had no answer, but I just walked in. I see you at the balcony, so I leave a gift on your desk and walk over to you.

I see smoke coming from you and see a cigarette in your hand. You don't notice me, but I whack it out of your hand. 'Hey- 'he stops talking when he sees me. 'Annie, you should've knocked.' He speaks. 'I did. But you didn't answer, so I decided to come in, you never usually have a problem so why do you now?' I ask. 'I don't. You could've said "hi" at least.' He replied. 'Ok that was my fault, I'm sorry.'

We stay quiet for a few awkward moments. I guess things became like this ever since I got out of the crystal. The more I know Armin it also seems the less he talks about his feelings. The less he talks about anything, to anyone. I would've originally thought he could talk about these things but turns out that's a no. It's been 3 months since the world ended and those gorgeous ocean blue eyes, faded during the rumbling and haven't recovered yet. His hair is starting to go back to its original state from when I met him. Eye bags began appearing on his face and they've just gotten darker, makes you wonder if he's a zombie or not. His hands are very shaking as well, and when he's sitting down his leg shakes up and down and up and down in a fast-repeating pattern. Makes you wonder why he cares so much about other people and not himself. If I was Armin, and if I was going through a shitty time like that; I'd out myself first and sort things out before worrying about work or other people's mental health. It seems Armin will always be a selfless kid.

'So... how are things?' I ask trying to create conversation. 'Fine, not too bad. Just tiring that's all.' Armin replys not looking at me. That silence starts again, and I can tell he doesn't want to talk to me. But what I need to talk about it is important to him and me. 'How come you're not working?' I ask attempting conversation again. 'What do you mean? I'm here am I or am I not' he replys. I don't appreciate the sarcasm, but I can't get mad over this. 'I mean why are you out here instead of in there.' I confirm. 'Oh sorry, I'm watching the sunset.' He answers. The sunset? Why would he be interested in that? 'Oh, any reason as to why?' I ask trying to not end this conversation. 'I always have, ever since I was a kid, I'd try get out to see every single one.' 'I did it when we were cadets, and when I was in the scout regiment, and when we were in Marley, so I guess out of habit I guess.' 'Oh, well that's pretty interesting.' I finish with, losing conversation ideas.

'Why aren't you working?' He asks finally deciding to look at me. 'I wanted to give you something, and I wanted to talk as well.' I answer. 'Talk about what?' He asks yet again. I take a minute to decide how I want to approach this reply, I don't want to force anything onto you, but I know you'll just lie. 'This may be a surprise but, you.' I state. Armin loses a bit of his tense physical and widens his eyes and slight bit. 'Why me?' He asks for the 100th time now (he's asking a lot of questions now ay?) 'Well, being perfectly honest, me, Connie, Jean, Pieck and the others are really worried about you.' I finally say. He just stays quiet to observe what's going on. 'We've seen how you've been doing since the rumbling ended and being genuinely honest, you look like shit.' I spoke. I didn't want to get mean but sometimes it's a necessary evil, especially when a person you truly care about isn't doing well.

It takes Armin a little bit of time to figure out what to say, but we eventually say. 'I'm fine, you and the others don't need to worry. Works been stressful since then and becoming the commander isn't the easiest job to do. But I appreciate the worry.' He smiles like nothings wrong. He sounds genuine but I know a good liar when I see one. 'Ok but still try to finish my sentence but get interrupted. 'Annie, I'm fine. Don't worry. Worry about your own lives first before mine.' He speaks. The fact that he can actually say to put ourselves before our friends when he's doing exactly the opposite is quite annoying. I didn't want to get mean and rude but sometimes you have to. 'Armin, I know you're lying. I know a liar when I see one.' I say not getting mad thankfully. 'I wouldn't lie about stuff like this, ok?' he lies again. 'Armin you are not ok. You have massive eye bags, your hands are shaking all the time, you haven't been talking to any of us at all, you've lost weight, you don't seem to sleep much, and you're always working yourself... I can tell this is taking a toll on you and it doesn't make me feel any better knowing that you're always keeping it a secret... It's not healthy, and you know it's not... So why do you keep doing it?' I raise my voice when saying that making sure you know how bad this has gotten.