the dark lord's daydream

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okay.... uhm, u guys should 100% help me write this. (this is a 40% satire fanfic btw, I'll warn y'all if there is smut)

Voldemort just woke up, he was already tired. he's been thinking about killing himself for months.

he got up and into the shower, taking off his clothes, he looked down at his body, it had gotten pale and skinny, like a long white stick, since his body was made of just blood and magic he had no sexual organs, but that didn't stop him from getting horny.

he finished his shower, moving over to his room, getting dressed like usual.

he went outside and into the forbidden forest, walking around and finding some animals to eat.

while looking around he noticed someone.

it was Dumbledore.

Voldemort ran out of the forest, he wasn't ready to fight yet.

Dumbledore saw him and gasped, getting out his wand and using a spell.

"INCARCEROUS!"

Voldemort fell over when the spell hit him, getting tied up in rope. Dumbledore picked him up

Voldemort blushed due to embarrassment, staying quiet while Dumbledore carried him, he was caught and by now he's just given up.

"why did you have to do that, albus?" Voldemort asked, his voice barely above a whisper

"i couldn't let you continue on this path." Dumbledore responded, his voice filled with concern "you know the darkness that lies in you- its consuming you."

Voldemort looked down, still blushing, he couldn't deny the truth in his words, he was getting consumed, all the years of fighting for eternal life had made him evil and corrupt, all the years of seeking power and revenge had led him to this point- trapped, defeated, and on the brink of despair.

as Dumbledore carried Voldemort inside, he put Voldemort down on a chair, untying him

"so... uhm.. what are you going to do to me.. now that you've caught me?"

"well, I'm going to try and fix you, give you a second chance."

"w-what?! you cant do that!-

"yes i can, just let me, also I'm going to keep you away from most of the students, harry, the Weasleys, Hermione, and Draco will be allowed near you, due to their previous affiliations with you."

"i HATE them! i don't mind Draco but everyone else?!"

"the only reason Draco is allowed near you is because you know him, i thought that it might be good to have him help you as well... but i guess not."

"I'm sorry... I'll be nice, just keep me away from that potter freak."

"you're lucky i don't lock you in a room with him."

Voldemort shuddered at the thought.

"okay, okay.. so, where do i stay?"

"you can stay in my office, all the teachers will be able to see you."

"including Severus?"

"why do you ask?"

"...he's a traitor, i want him kept away from me."

"you are NOT in a position to make demands, tom."

"please don't call me that, you know how i feel about that.. name.. ughk!"

Voldemort shuddered again, even thinking about his past name made him want to throw up... the name 'tom riddle' made him feel sick

"well, if you want to be good- like your past self- then you need to be more like your past self, that includes your past name."

"...okay, i hate you."

"i know you don't really hate me, you're just trying to be bold to make me think higher of you."

"...why are you such an old hag?!"

"I'm not that old, I'm an average age for a wizard."

"oh please-

"just close your mouth, tom."

"FINE! just.. I'm tiered, where do i sleep?"

"you can sleep in my bed or in my room"

"...do you have another bed? i don't want to sleep by you."

"i unfortunately don't."

Voldemort got up, very nervous when Dumbledore got up as well, making sure Voldemort doesn't run away and cause more havoc.

Dumbledore picked Voldemort up again, taking him to bed, Voldemort felt his legs weaken, what was happening?

he fell asleep the second his head hit the pillow, blushing heavily

"goodnight..."

"its only 8:20AM, I'll see you later, tom"

"...shut up.."

Voldemort's eyelids fall over his eyes and he passes out, the blanket wrapping around his body.