My brothers best friend

Chapter 11: Caught Between What Was and What Could Be

(Edited)

Chapter 11

Jake's Point of View

I don't know what came over me when I kissed her.

Valerie's face had been a storm of confusion, frustration, and something I couldn't read, and I couldn't stand seeing her with Nick. Every time she laughed with him or looked at him, it felt like a knife in my chest, a constant reminder of how far we've drifted apart. I wasn't supposed to feel this way. I didn't want to feel this way. But as soon as she walked into that classroom and sat next to him, the jealousy hit me like a freight train, and I acted without thinking.

I crossed a line. I know that now. I had no right to do what I did, but in the heat of the moment, I couldn't stop myself. It felt like a primal instinct, something deep inside of me that I couldn't control. It was like she belonged to him, and I couldn't stand it.

The worst part? I couldn't even hide my feelings anymore. Now that she was here, at my college, in my classes, I was forced to confront the truth I'd been running from. Before, when she was still in high school, it felt easier. I could bury everything I felt, ignore it, pretend like I didn't care. But now? She's here, and I'm stuck with this constant reminder that I still want her. And I can't do anything about it. I can't stand seeing her smile at him, hearing her talk to him, but I can't just go up to her and claim her. I can't force her to feel something she doesn't. So I try to pretend like I'm fine.

I'm not fine. I'm far from fine.

As I walk back to my dorm, I replay the kiss over and over in my mind. I keep wondering if it meant anything to her, if it was just a fleeting moment, or if she felt something, too. But I know better than to hope for something that's probably not coming.

When I get to my dorm, the door slams open, and I'm met with the sight of Mason and Connor sitting on the couch, their eyes narrowing as they see me. They've been calling me all week. Texting me. Trying to reach out. I hadn't answered a single one of them. Part of me didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to explain myself, especially not to them. I've been avoiding everyone and everything.

"Where the hell have you been?" Mason demands, his voice laced with irritation. He's usually laid-back, but I can tell he's pissed.

Connor's eyes are softer, but there's a hint of worry in them. "We've been trying to get ahold of you for days. You disappeared."

I shrug, trying to play it off. "I was home. Helping out with stuff."

"Home?" Mason raises an eyebrow, incredulous. "You've been at the farm the whole damn week?"

I nod, feeling a lump form in my throat at the mention of home. The so called home was quieter than usual now, and I don't think I'll ever get used to it. I used to hear Abuelo's voice echoing through the barn as he gave orders to the workers, or telling me stories about the land, about the way things used to be when he was young. Now, it's just silence, and it's suffocating. Abuela doesn't talk much anymore either. She sits on the porch most days, staring at the mountains as if she's waiting for something or someone to come back. I can't help but notice how different she is now, compared to the woman I grew up with.

Before, Abuela was the rock of the family. Her laugh was contagious, full-bodied, and warm. I remember how she used to chase us around the house, Jack and me, with a wooden spoon if we were being too loud. She had this way of making everything feel safe, of making the world feel like a place where things were simple and good. Even when Abuelo was gruff or didn't know how to express his feelings, Abuela always knew what to say to make things better. She was the glue that held everything together.