If Only , Huh ? __ || School Bus Graveyard || Aiden Clark Angst woops

Overthinking . . Maybe

.

.

.

. . What ? 

 - - I lifted my aching head from my now sweat - damped pillow . My room felt uncomfortably warm . 

Not that kind of warm you get when you're tired and just laying in the sun . That was nice . This was the kind where you felt like your shirt was slowly suffocating and overheating you till you die . 

Did you know bees do that to wasps infiltrating their hive ? I saw it in a documentary yesterday . 

. . It was kinda like that . 

-- Another night in the phantom dimension . . someone got hurt , someone yelled , someone cried , but they were okay . Of course they were okay . They were .-  -

. 

.

God - dammit . 

                                                       --  3rd Person POV : 

-- Aiden got up , making his way towards the bathroom and slightly stumbling from the lack of sleep and hitting his head , rather hard , on a door - frame during their frantic scene . He flicked on the light , but got momentarily blinded and decided using the nightlight near the wall would be a better option . 

.

. . Of course it was his damn fault . 

No it wasn't . 

. . But it just had to be . 

  He couldn't think of another reason why all of this crap was happening . This started because of him , right ? I mean obviously . Ever since he pestered Ash about the school trip , things went bad for a bunch of harmless , normal people . Once he started going to that school , it .. -- it just all went downhill for their lives . It had to be him . 

.

.

 . . Or maybe he's just overthinking it . Again . He's always overthinking something . But does he do it for himself or everyone else ? It's not like he ever thought he'd make genuine friends , but . . 

- - they stuck around . They all stuck around . But he might just be overthinking that too because the reason they are stuck together is because of the . . the stupid -- - - 

 - Aiden stared at the mirror , keeping what looked like a smile , but really pained . He clenched his fists tightly , slightly gripping the sink counter . His eyes filled with tears he dared to spill and just began looking around in the drawers , rummaging around to find the one thing he thought would actually do him good . 

Who is he kidding ? He knows this won't do him any good . It never actually does but it gives him the feeling of adrenaline he familiars with -- 

even at the pain he receives . 

It's not like this is his first time anyway . He's been doing it for . . how many years ? He doesn't remember . It's just a process he followed since he was like , 11 . Mess up ? I need something to put me in my place . Follow orders incorrectly ? It'll help me remember next time . . but it was also just , a stress reliever . Sometimes feeling just goes away , and he's either dissociating or numb , laying on the floor . Either way , it worked .