The Illusions of Brook Forbes - Beginnings

Running

09/15/2014

Things have simply gone horribly wrong. I thought high school was a place of new beginnings and the start of the "best years of my life" but I have been lied to. So far, high school is the WORST. I was lied to about the fun events and activities and the friends and the fun classes. Worst of all, I was lied to that I would never have to see Ralph again after last school year, and now I see him every day for almost half the day.

And worse than all of that: Ralph won't stop talking to me.

Sure, over the summer I longed for his phone calls and text messages and some of his mom's amazing cookies, but now I just wanted him to leave me alone. I know I let him apologize, but I didn't let him explain, and now he just wants to tell me every reason why he had to leave me and why he thought he was moving and why he was soooooooooooo cruel...

I really just want him to leave me alone. I'm sick of him trying to be my friend again. I can't imagine a world in which I'll look back to this last month and say "man, I wish I would have let him explain back then." I just can't see a world where I would forgive him, let alone be friends with him again.

So, here I am oh so sweet journal, talking about Ralph at 2:48am when I should be sleeping for school today. Instead, I am pouring out my emotions once again through ink and quill onto thinly sliced trees. Maybe one day, I'll find a way to not need a journal as an outlet.

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The walk from my dad's truck to the school feels as if it will last forever. I am so exhausted and drained from staying up until after 3am and waking up for 6:30. I want to cry as the bell rings before I can see my friends, but I take the staircase closest to me and head to homeroom. Dad was right, stopping for a coffee did not make me late, but simply right on time. As I reach the end of the stairs, I take a sip from the bottle of store-bought Dunkin and slip it back into my bag. Ms. Honey made a girl throw away her vitamins last week, I am not willing to lose my coffee.

Someone is looking out for me today though, because when I walk into my homeroom, a substitute is sitting behind the desk. There is no way she's been out of high school longer than a year, maybe two, but she smiles as we all walk in and when the bell rings, she just lets the door stay open.

"Hey y'all, I'm Cindy. None of that 'Ms.' stuff either. I'm gonna call roll then let y'all be since its just homeroom. Ready?" she stands up with a printed out roster and calls each name, then sits back down with a thud as she pulls out her phone and starts to text away. Whoever she could possibly be texting before eight in the morning is beyond me.

I jump on the opportunity to take another sip of my coffee while Cindy is distracted. As I go to put the bottle back into my bag, my head collides into the elbow of the one and only Micheal sitting next to me. On the first day of school he knocked over my pens, and now it seems we will forever be bumping into each other in homeroom. We both look at each other with stifled laughs as I put the coffee back into my bag and look at him.

"You okay? Didn't see you there." He says while still trying to not to laugh. I take a deep breath and try to figure out of my head hurts at all, and the answer seems to be no, so I tell him I'm okay and we both turn away from each other until tomorrow's collision.

The bell comes all too soon, and we all rush out the door to our next class. In the chaos of the hallway, I try to head toward my math class, but standing in the middle of the heard of students is Ralph, his eyes scanning the crowd. I duck behind one of the tall senior guys and follow him down the opposite staircase than the one I actually need to take, not anywhere near ready for Ralph this early in the school day.