Entity of my Life

Chapter 1

I'm starting to wonder, why do I feel some sort of resentment around me? I have a feeling that Frances looks down on me–but there are times she feels neutral towards me–or even her close friend, Dominique, which I've had this very gut feeling that she does dislike me. Genevieve used to be my friend since 1st grade; now she is quite bossy if you ask me, and I still do have other people that I used to be friends with.

Sarah as an example, since she and I used to be close with each other, alongside with Aria–who is until now, my best friend–and other people too like Dominique (which I have mentioned earlier is also one of my friends), but now, everything seems different.

Well, I guess adolescence and pandemic are the reasons, right? It seems very sensible enough.

And speaking of sensible, I also have a gut feeling that Aria feels some resentment towards me too; 'why', you ask? Because there are times where she is brutally and unnecessarily honest, like she doesn't care about what I feel, and when I've said something that meant for us to cheer us up, she would dismiss and unnecessarily put a grimace or a disinterested look.

There are times I feel I regret having Sir Mike (my guidance counselor) to have her schedule the same as mine.

Although I still have my other best friend, Myrna, who is a fun, enjoyable friend but is usually reserved and wants to be alone. So I have decided to let her be, since that's what she wants and I am in no position to contradict.

* * *

The wind is getting a little cold as each moment has passed, and I could feel shivers in me. It's quite uncomfortable if you ask me, but it is still tolerable.

Most are just by the camp, talking and yapping away, whilst I'm fidgeting a stick that I've just found a while ago. It helps me to calm down and forget the things around me, so I'm perfectly capable with just me and my stick around as the company.

I could also feel my stomach lurching as I looked behind, seeing Genevieve's friend group talking to our English teacher, Ms. Lowell. Not gonna lie I was quite jealous, since I wanted to be one of those people who could actually talk to a teacher; not only Ms. Lowell but other teachers too; the only problem was I am socially awkward and couldn't even make a single conversation, and my speech is quite bad too, as if I wasn't being taught to speak, like every word I tried to say just won't come out, I couldn't form it.

It's very frustrating to be honest, and it's a burden that I must carry for the rest of my life.

A hand suddenly jerked to grab on my shoulder and I yelped in surprise as I turned back to see who it was.

Jyra, who was just laughing for a few seconds, then sat beside me.

I rolled my eyes at her.

"What do you want this time, Jyra?" I asked, turning my eyes back on my stick as I had fidgeted it once again.

She shrugs and starts to sigh, as if she just drank water, and stretches her arms.

"Nothing much–Cool stick you have there, where did you get that?" Her eyes are on the stick this time, and she looks at it with much intrigue and curiosity.

It took a second or more for me to respond as I continued fidgeting on the stick. "Um–It's somewhere over there when the others were collecting sticks for the fire." I pointed at a particular path of the woods from behind.

"Ah, I see." Jyra begins to nod as she props her fingers on her chin. "Oh well, I just want to know, since that stick has a great shape..." Her gaze still sticks on the stick, and her expression is quite palpable that she'll have something to craft on that stick.