Insomnia

Chapter 5: Queen of Hearts

You had spent the night in Ayumu's tight embrace. Your bed was relatively small, giving him more excuse to be pressed against you the entire night, and you were awake for all of it. You wished at least you would feel safe with him, he seemed to have no regard for your safety, but that wasn't the reason you were awake the entire night.  Whilst thoughts definitely ran through your mind, you knew the cause for this state was insomnia, just like before Ayumu existed.  And so started another day of work.  You wriggled out of Ayumu's grasp to do your morning routine, but you didn't need anything to keep you awake any more.  By the time you were done, Ayumu was awake.  He had resorted to borrowing some of your oversized clothes and buying his own from your wallet with express delivery, you didn't know if he was going to get a job to repay that money or if he even could.

Ayumu's appearance was different again, the solar systems around his skin were barely visible, and his hair was a soft orange glow, with light pinkish-whitish eyes, and you recognised him to look like dawn.  This had never happened in the dream world he created, you wondered if it was an illusion - in either the real world or the dream world - or if it was just changing now because he actually existed.   You guess it doesn't really matter, but maybe it was happening because he was his own person.  Ayumu obviously wanted to come with you to work. The walk to the bus stop started awkwardly, but Ayumu slid his hand into yours, keeping you close, and making the situation even more awkward. He only let go when you were climbing into the bus, then when you sat down, he put his arm around you and leaned you against him.

This amount of real-life human(?) contact was new to you, and you didn't know you liked it, not with Ayumu nor anyone else.  The bus ride was silent, and the walk up the stairs to enter the library wasn't eventful either.  You unlocked the doors and went to your seat, Ayumu trailing behind, and signed into the computer.  He watched you for about two seconds before leaving.  You weren't sure where he was going, but you didn't call after him.  You started to scan books into the library database, filling out details such as what section of the library they were in. Once you did this, you placed the book on the other trolley, ready to be shelved. Before you looked up, you could hear footsteps, and a chair being placed down next to you.  Who would it have been other than your one and only.  These days the sky was grey, and there was frequent rain.  This was reflected on Ayumu's appearance today, you could even see small rain droplets falling through his irises, his eyes looked like a window into the outside.  His hair was also grey and chaotic, reminding you of the cold wind.  He watched you work silently, a pensive look on his face.

Like clockwork, as soon as you had stacked the entire trolley, Tom arrived and took it to shelve the books, marking your break time.  Usually, he would start trying to flirt with you or make any form of conversation, you had expected this time to meet an icy glare, followed by some tapping on his iPad to see what sections he had to visit, but you didn't.  "Hi, y/n, can I talk to you?"  He looked behind you, likely at Ayumu, "... alone?"  You could imagine Ayumu doing a multitude of horrible things to Tom, but you didn't need to. The first vine crawled up his leg, twisting and pulling, then the next snaked its way around his neck.  You watched in horror as they kept him in place and more impaled him through his abdomen, climbing up out of his throat and mouth, some curled out of his eyes, one had punctured through his eyeball making it leak a clear liquid, while the other had pushed it out of its socket, popping it next to your foot making you flinch.

Then you snapped back.  "Y/n?  Are you okay?"  You blinked, he was fine.  What was going on with you?  There was only two possibilities, one was that you were going crazy, the other was that Ayumu created that, and both were equally terrifying.  "Yeah, coming," you stood up trying not to wobble.  You followed him to another end of the library and into the staff break room.  You didn't know what to expect, had Ayumu been tormenting him?  Had Chiyoye insisted you contact her? Did Tom know what was happening?  "I want to apologise for the other day, I know I was really unreasonable.  You did always reject my advances, you even brought him up before he arrived, I just got caught up in the idea that... you know... we could happen."  This wasn't what you had expected, so your overthinking brain had no automatic response.  "Uh, I appreciate the apology, I really wouldn't say he's my boyfriend though."  Tom looked at you sadly before saying he had to get back to work.  You were alone in the break room.

You wanted to be alone, and considered remaining there, but you didn't like thinking about consequences of being away from Ayumu, he either saw Tom and knew you were avoiding him, or thought you were still with Tom which would undoubtedly lead to other suspicions. You were between a rock and a hard place, but you hoped to stay in Ayumu's good books, at least until you learned more about what was happening. Tom had rushed off quickly, but you'd have to get a chance to ask him about Chiyoye at some point, surely she didn't just leave you with an unusable phone number. You had a stroke of genius which was short lived, as you typed in a few searches to your phone, but all led to fan club phone numbers or secretaries, none directly to the author. You'd have to try and reach her when you had more time, as in, when Ayumu wasn't watching your every move.

You made your way back to Ayumu, who looked at you disapprovingly from the same spot you left him in.  "I'm on a break, so... I'm gonna go get some lunch."   You typically went to a small restaurant during your breaks, if you weren't too tired to leave your desk.  The prices were fair and it was right nearby, just a small place to get your lunch.  Predictably, Ayumu accompanied you today.   You slid into a booth, and a girl came to ask for you and Ayumu's orders, you ordered the first thing that came to mind, while Ayumu ordered nothing.  Your food was out in a few minutes, since the small shop got very few customers, and took small bites of the meal.  "So, this guy, he's more aggravating in person."  Ayumu spoke first, you assumed he was talking about Tom.  After the discussion you just had with him (or rather, him talking at you) you felt more empathy for him, but that didn't mean you were interested in him. 

"He's helpful usually," you argued, which was true, he'd happily get you something to eat when you weren't in the mood to get anything yourself, that can't be said for many guys.  Ayumu obviously wasn't pleased with that remark, the food in front of you turned to a pile of squelching maggots.  "Can't be that great if you're sitting here with me instead of him."  You didn't point out the fact that Ayumu's presence was not much more desired than Tom's, or that he was not invited there in the first place, or that he had tormented you for years while Tom tried to win you over, albeit with no want for him to, but good attention was nicer than bad attention.  So you stayed silent, and stared at the food, back to normal.  You pushed the plate away and called the girl for the bill, you no longer had an appetite.