I am literally dying of embarrassment. How was I supposed to go back there after bawling my eyes out in front of the doctor and nurse?
But I had to.
He was the first to listen to me and I had to go and ruin it all by crying at the first kind words I hear from a doctor.
I must have medical trauma for this to be my reaction. Being treated decently by one of them felt like my prayers were answered.
I wanted to tell them why I was crying but I couldn't come up with the words. I don't think it's that hard to treat a patient with some dignity but apparently it's a lot to ask for these days. My last doctor treated me like crap on her shoe.
Aaaaah! I would punch myself back in time if I could. I hate breaking down like that in front of others, mostly professionals.
But I have no options, I need to get over it and pretend it didn't happen and everything will be okay.
Luckily my sister didn't accompany me this time or this would have been more humiliating than it already is.
I needed to shake the humiliation out of my body and there's no better distraction than meeting with Gab at the club.
He'll make me forget this day... and my name.
After going back home and spending some time with my sister and her family I threw a little white lie and told her I was meeting with a friend to catch up.
I don't have friends and Gab is definitely not close enough to consider him a friend but we get what we need from each other.
It's been like that for quite some time now almost a year actually. Time flies by, it feels like it was weeks ago that I stumbled upon this BDSM club thinking it was a bar. I don't even drink but I was too in my thoughts and wanted to be around people to get back to reality and a bar seemed a better option than a park for some reason.
And boy did I get back to reality, I saw all kinds of activities that shouldn't be seen in plain sight, I was wondering if I was still in California.
People were nude, I thought that could only happen in nudist beaches. But even then I don't think you could do the things I saw here in nudist beaches.
Gab and I met whenever the time was right for both of us but we kept things strictly to the club and I was perfectly okay with that.
I couldn't deal with a relationship at this point in time and Gab wasn't looking for one, he was easy to deal with, nice to look at and exactly what I wanted in bed... against the walls, the floor... sometimes swings too.
We've gotten pretty comfortable around one another and we knew what we needed from each other.
He needed control and I wanted to give it.
I wanted it rough and he liked to inflict pain.
When I was introduced to the club Gab was already a member, most men and women were... well are... afraid of him for his physique and let's say he doesn't have a bubbly personality. He is very intimidating at 6'6 and all the muscles. I'm convinced the guy lives at the gym. But we don't know each other like that.
I was not the exception, I was terrified when I was told he would be my trainer. I didn't want to get a masters or anything like that I just signed up as all the newbies to get the basics of bdsm so I didn't understand why I was being paired with a trainer by myself. When I saw the rest of the beginners following a single guy I was ready to join them thinking I must've heard wrong but of course he chose that moment to tell me he had to complete some bullshit hours for the club since he was a trainer and that it seemed like I wasn't going to complete the training so he chose me.
Asshole.
He wasn't wrong I didn't really cared for bdsm so I didn't have plans of completing the training...but he didn't have to know that. Since he mentioned it like that I had to follow through, of course.
